The Never Ending Story

..... have it translated & remanufactured by Tassy prisoners from 一千九-百零六, as this is only good for ......

..... simplified Chinese readers, as onetlack thought it would be more like 壹仟玖佰零陸 as onesie was always more of a traditionalist, (because the Twigster had been paying for tradition chinese to be taught in all WA schools since 1970) with his head stuck ......

THE ABOVE FOLLOWS THE OLD CONFUSIOUS SAYING "LEARN ONE CHINESE CHARACTER AND SARUTE CHAIRMAN LEADER XI, TO SELL 1 TONNE OF IRON ORE"

TURBS & EEEN REALISED IMMEDIATELY THAT THEIR VERY OWN JEDI RAT WAS, AFTER POST 13152, SINGLED OUT FOR REEDUMACATION IN AN AUSSIES ONLY PRISON CAMP IN HARRIS ST HURSTVILLE (ROOK IT UP ON TIK TAK TOE (CUTTER)).

"UP (AVREF) YOUZE" HE WAS HEARD TO SAY AS HE WAS LEAD AWAY AND "I'D RIKE PLAWN CHOW MIEN (#36) FOR RUNCH PREASE"

....well above the scrawny, runty Eastern-Staters, who surrounded him, looking for leadership. But Onetrack was used to being head and shoulders above the rest, it was just part of his known abilities to lead men when they were directionless and overwhelmed by foreign viruses - as the Eastern Staters currently were.

"A Royal Commission Is Necessary, As Regards This Interference in International Trade!" thundered the headlines in the local Daily Blab - which was funded by Clive Palmer, of course. Naturally, the headline was referring to the Giant Jedi Rat's interference into the Chinese bid for the important numbers - a bid that, if successful, would have meant enough money to buy everyone in Australia a new Foton dual-cab ute, with a new Drifter thrown in as well.

It was little wonder there was general public interest in the Chinese bid. After, the Chinese owned most of Sidknee, didn't they? - as well as swags of prime Australian Farmland, the Port of Darwin, and most of Australia's fishing enterprises. As such, China was as interested in bringing Austlalia "into the fold", the same as they wanted those annoying Hong Kongers returned to full Chinese dictatorsh.... errr, Leadership. But Chairman Dan knew what to do, and he......

............outed Onsie as a BLM protestor, deported him in a Vicpol helicopter to a point three days walk from the western side of the WA border, spun him round three times and reported back to Dan that he wasn't wearing a mask, so ......

....... at the time that Turbo was posting on the NES after getting up for a pee at 3.02 am, onesie was approaching Cocklebiddy, low on shoeleather but high on ......

....enthusiasm. He was an inquisitive man and knowing that Turbo always tried to be precise, looked up the definition of gowk in the dictionary, and found it was a type of cuckoo.

He decided to breed gowk and make a fortune in the WA restaurant trade.

As we know, Wakers are not good at English, and he didn't know the plural of gowk, so he wrote to a gowk breeder in Kent, asking "Please send me a male gowk, and while you're at it, put in a female as well, and that was the start of ................

... a huge export market in Gowk meat to the Chinese, seeing as they were struggling to get enough pork, since Swine Fever had decimated their pork industry. The Gowk meat industry actually started to reverse the outstanding trade imbalance between Australia and China, as the Chinese couldn't get enough of the Gowk meat, and Onetracks Gowk meat business struggled to meet the demand.

This booming business of OT's made Turbo and Cappy look for some way to get a piece of the action - so they decided to start crossing Cats with other feline species, to try and improve the Cats size and meat production and the flavour of the formerly terrible-tasting Cat meat from the Turbine Enterprises Cat abattoirs operations.

But they failed dismally, as the Chinese refused to buy their new offerings, saying they tasted just as bad as the old TE offerings - which were inedible, anyway.

But Cappy, ever the irrepressible raconteur, had a plan. He was going to BS his way into......

.....the new meat trade, and started substituting the cat meat with Tasmanian possum. The chinese went apeshit on the new meat and within 1 year Cappy [the rat]had secured contracts to supply the.....................

........selling out his cousins, the Rats, starting with ...............................

his ex wife, and her minions,,[they sold for prime prices too] but there was rumblings of discontent,as the taste of the rat was nowhere near as good as the possum,,,so ratty had to drive more often on the channel hwy to collect more road kill possum to mix with the rat meat. Now there has too be a ....................

...... Brushtailed Moggy steaks, Ratatouille made from real rats & eels, plus that super delicacy .......

(The Jedi thanks the uniroute for referring to him as a "irrepressible raconteur" as all Cappy had ever been called previously was "rack-off-turd")

..........rams bols, which need to be ...........

(Given that Cappy rarely lets his true feelings show (having spent a lot of time in the Wagga Wagga lockup when he did) NES readers are advised that a group hug was given to him when we found out what people had been calling him, whether it was true or not).

....... bbq'd (flyinref) & rotated (avref) on (landingref) a ........

(When Cappy had previously & often told to "rack off" by numerous people, did they spell it rack or wrack, and which is the most offensive?)

.......rack.

Wearily Onesie walked into Esperance where he found an old Airtruk out at the airfield. These aircraft would havew to be the most ugly ever built, so it was a perfact match, and Onesie...........

checked the oil [avref] kicked the tyres and zip tied the rudder back on, and was all good to ...........

....go. The takeoff was OK but once in that thick WA air the Airtruck started to porpoise. Onesie .........

...... really liked dolphins better as he thought that porpoises are like little wet smartarses, whereas dolphins are more friendly and compliant, like most NESers.

"Dolphins taste better too, with mashed potato." he considered.

"I'm PIOing" he thought to himself as the aircraft (how'sthatforanavrefref) dolphined along towards Somethingup "So I need more P, less I and a heap less O if I (theotherIref) am going to .......

.......stop this XXXXXXXXXX (he couldn't bring himself to use that name). He threw on the P, pulled I back three clicks, and all but closed O, and the Airtruck settling in to steady flight.

He was now upside down, since he'd inputted too much P but at least he was stable so he decided not to upset things.

After forty minutes his shoulder straps began to chafe, so he decided to right the aircraft by a novel method, He would use aileron.

If NES readers go back a couple of years, they will see that Onesie was one of the people who dismissed BAK as belonging in a kindergarten, but now he began to regret not focusing on "secondary effects" and for that matter on "gravity" because he'd fallen into a spiral dive, which ........

..... is called a PISD in the Human Fuctors lectures .... where everything is always the Pilot's fault and they can henceforth never be trusted to ......

BUY DECENT ZIP TIES as after a very uncoordinated recovery from his flight upset ,,the bloody thing wanted to fly in circles,,after checking his rear view mirror he saw that the rudder was................

steering him towards the Spratly Islands, which put a real chink in his original flight plan

...... which gave him a new slant on ......

.......orientation where .................

....... horizontal was .......