Aviation Quotes and Truisms

I have just received a large number of sayings, quotes and truisms, predominantly military, but with an aviation flavor, which I will share with you, a few at a time.

 'If you hear me yell; "Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.‘ -  Pre-flight briefing from an F-15 Pilot

'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.‘ - US. Air Force Manual

Tower received a call from a crew asking, "What time is it please?"

Tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The crew replied, "What difference does it make?"

Tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour".

And if it's a private pilot, Mickey's big hand is on ....

'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' - Paul F. Crickmore (SR-71 test pilot)-

'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil, for I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.' - Sign over SR-71 Wing Ops

'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' - Lead-in Fighter Training Manual

'Pilots, please taxi up close when sumping your fuel cell. You may have lower manifold pressure and shorter exhaust stacks than you realized.' - Sign over men's urinal, Casey Jones Flying Service, Ontario OR 1968

’Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground’ - US Air Force

'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your “plight” to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.' - Emergency Checklist

‘If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.' - Infantry Journal

'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but if ATC screws up ... the pilot dies.’ - Sign over Control Tower Door

"Things that must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together." – Supply Training Manual

‘If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.’ - Naval Ops Manual

The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you.' - Basic Flight Training Manual

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. -Bob Hoover, renowned aerobatic & test pilot

BASIC FLYING RULES. 'Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, and trees. It is much more difficult to fly there." - W.W.II Undergraduate Pilot Training Sign

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.' - Infantry Journal

'Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.'

'A good landing is when you can walk away from the plane. A great landing is when you can reuse the plane. - On the wall of the student pilots rest room Columbus AFB MS, 1974

Q: What's the difference between a copilot and a jet engine?

A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

See my signature block, which Ian has recently changed. Thanks, @Admin

If I pass you on my way out of the emergency exit. Assume the position of PIC

I remember the briefing I was given by a 747 Captain in the days when you could sit up front pre-9/11.

"If you see me and the First Officer get up and run out the door - follow us, and quickly!"