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Psychic Humour ?


Phil Perry

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I went to the Coffee Shop yesterday morning, and noticed a strange looking guy staring at me. 

 

After getting my coffee, I went and filled up with fuel, and there he was again at the Petrol Station.

 

I then drove to work and passed a car going slowly, only to notice the same strange looking guy staring at me from his car as I went by.

 

That evening I went to the Shopping Center and when I drove in, again the same strange looking guy was already there in the car park, staring at me.

 

It was then I realised I was being stalked by a Psychic ....

 

 

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I went to the Coffee Shop yesterday morning, and noticed a strange looking guy staring at me. 

 

After getting my coffee, I went and filled up with fuel, and there he was again at the Petrol Station.

 

I then drove to work and passed a car going slowly, only to notice the same strange looking guy staring at me from his car as I went by.

 

That evening I went to the Shopping Center and when I drove in, again the same strange looking guy was already there in the car park, staring at me.

 

It was then I realised I was being stalked by a Psychic ....

 

I thought you kept seeing a mirror...

 

 

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What do you call a midget psychic, who has escaped from prison?

 

A small medium at large!

 

Alice goes to see a fortune teller, who tells her - "Two men are madly in love with you!"

 

Alice asks, "Who will be the lucky one?"

 

The fortune teller says, "Michael will marry you, and Shaun will be the lucky one."

 

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl, who will want to know everything about you."

 

The frog is thrilled, "This is great! I might be turned into a Prince! Will I meet her at a party?"

 

"No," says the Advisor, "In her biology class."

 

 

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I can recall reading a story about a bloke in England, who kept dreaming of horses winning, and their names. He got a bit bothered by it, and decided he would see if they meant anything.

 

Every time he dreamt about a winning horses name, as soon as he woke up, he jotted down the name he'd dreamt (they were clear and specific).

 

So he went along to the local racetrack, and placed bets on the name he'd dreamt.

 

Sure enough, he won on betting on that horses name. Chuffed, he kept writing the names down as he dreamt them, and kept betting on those names. He kept winning - sizeable amounts in some cases.

 

Then, after about a period of about 3 years of dreaming winning horse names, and placing bets and winning on those names, the winning horse name dreams stopped - just as suddenly as they'd started!

 

Quite a curious case, and the bloke kept all the records to prove what he'd done - but he couldn't ever figure out why it was just that specific period of about 3 yrs that he dreamt all those winning numbers.

 

He did have one more major win from dreaming a winning horses name, about 9 yrs later.

 

He'd never dreamt any winning name or number, nor even had any kind of sizeable lottery or raffle win in his life, previously - nor after, apparently. A good Ripleys Believe it or Not case.

 

EDIT - I found the story, some of the details are a little different to what I recalled, but this is the bloke and his winning dreams story.

 

http://www.ukpsychics.com/realm/the_man_who_dreamed_of_horse_race_winners.html

 

 

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Why don't psychics ever give advice prior to the Saturday lotto draw, on a "no win, no pay" basis?

 

 

 

Off Topic Marty, but for some reason, I thought of you, when I saw a 2 seat Spitfire ( I think it was the Dragon Mk9 ) fly fairly slowly over Lichfield in Staffordshire,. . .it made a couple of runs, apparently taking pictures of something on the ground as the pilot whanged it into steep turns four times. . .it wasn't near the war memorial at Alrewas,. . , so no idea what it as doing there.  Typically,. . camera left at home,. . and camera phone left plugged into home computer for wifi. . . ( sorry )

 

Phil.

 

 

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I can recall reading a story about a bloke in England, who kept dreaming of horses winning, and their names. He got a bit bothered by it, and decided he would see if they meant anything.

 

 he would n't have made the newspaper if the dreams were nightmares about horses losing

 

 

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What type of horse is a nightMARE?

 

 

 

Actually, the word "nightmare" comes from ancient folklore and writings, where a malicious entity rides on the dreamers chest while they're sleeping.

 

The word "mare" has its roots in the Proto-Indo-European "mer", meaning a "crushing, pressing, or oppressive force".

 

I think we've probably all experienced the nightmare of having a heavy weight on our chests, I'm not sure of the exact physical/psychological reasons behind it, but I believe it's some form of sleep paralysis.

 

 

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The heavy weight on your chest is angina. Nightmares are your brain defragging and ridding itself of your deepest fears.  I've always referred to them as night  Horses, but that's of no real consequence. Just a mild attempt at humour. Nev

 

 

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I have the same problem as Bex,

 

Everywhere I went yesterday, at my side was a vision of me.

 

At the yacht I inspected, when I had a beer and fish at the docks. Even in the bloody car.

 

Bloody twin brother

 

 

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I can recall reading a story about a bloke in England, who kept dreaming of horses winning,

 

I kept dreaming "Horse 5, race 5, horse 5, race 5 , horse 5 , race 5.."

 

It came 5th.

 

 

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I thought Paddy took it home because he thought it was a portrait of his father. His wife took one look at it and said, "So that's the floosie he's hanging around with!"

 

 

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