Headlines from the year 2030

[planedriver]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2030

 

 

 

 

 

· Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Little India , formerly known as Australia ..

 

 

· White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Australia 's third language.

 

 

· Children from 2 parent heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.

 

 

· Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred 'lifestyle' choice.

 

 

· Kookaburra and platypus plague threatens North Western Australia crops and livestock.

 

 

· Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa: Being Christian, no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced.

 

 

· Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. Australian Government have told the Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat.

 

 

· Australia now has 10 Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of ANU says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

 

 

· Australian Deficit 10 $Trillion dollars and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration secret to success.

 

 

· Wall Street banks merge to form new super Bank, Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED): We'll show Congress who is Too big to fail says CEO. Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch.

 

 

· Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

 

 

· Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

 

 

· France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. ... No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation!

 

 

· Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

 

 

· Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.

 

 

· Australia Post raises price of stamps to $18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

 

 

· After a 10-year, $75.8 billion study: Scientists prove Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

 

 

· Average weight of an Australian drops to 115 kgs.

 

 

· Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Vicindia and New South India .

 

 

· Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

 

· Senate still blocking drilling in Canberra even though gas is selling for 5,000 Rupees per litre and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

 

 

· Tasmania executes last remaining Greenie.

 

 

· Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

 

 

· Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

 

 

· New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons.

 

 

· Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

 

 

· Carlton won this year’s National Footy final beating the Hindu Hornets 20-11 to 13-18

 

 

· Southern Asia (formerly Northern Territory ) voters still having trouble with voting machines.

 

 

 

I Love This Country!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Thx1137]

Man, the swat team must be busting down your door as I type! Some forms of humour are not allowed these days... :-)

 

 

[dazza 38]

Hang on, we still have to get past 2012, yet, with solar flares, pole shifts, etc.?

 

 

[planedriver]

Not even mentioning "global warming caused by tyre friction when aircraft touch -down" and hot-air exuded from stuffed-up landings, causing yet more secondary pollution.

 

Hope Peter Garrett does'nt see this post or we're in real trouble, and there'll no doubt be another survey costing us all squillions.

 

In the meantime, let's just "rock on".

 

 

[Guest Walter Buschor]

2030 I say bring it on! very funny! our Redhead is leading the way!

 

 

[farri]

Now let me see, 62...20 to go,i_dunno,hhhhmmmmm,Shist,, I could still be here.

 

Frank.