Flying back from The Commonwealth Games

[planedriver]

Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This is your very own Captain Assif welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board.

 

We apologize for the two-day delay in taking off, which was caused by the current severe cyclonic conditions, and partly due to the search for a missing tyre and delay in getting stock-feed from the catering section for the annimals on board.Tissues in the seat pocket can be used to wipe any rain leaking through the windows, and you can use these with our complimentrys.

 

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your very own village!

 

The company has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with much pleasure,I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

 

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

 

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin windows.

 

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down, and the oil leaks are making a natural progression!

 

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible.

 

For the best view, if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our

 

enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

 

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to the excess baggage, pet goats, or familly bullock located in the aisles.

 

Please now be holding your Bible, Copy of Koran, or, lucky 50 Rupees Grand Lottery ticket in your right hand, as we prepare for take-off

 

 

[farri]

PD,is that your composition?

 

It reminded me of what I would sometimes say as a bit of laugh, with nervous first timers in the Drifter.

 

I`d say, "One thing I can certainly gauarantee you is that we`ll always make it back to the ground" , I`d always get a positive response.

 

Frank