You might be a redneck pilot if...

[rdarby]

Your stall warning plays Dixie.

 

Your cross-country flight plan uses f1ea markets as check points.

 

You think sectional charts should show trailer parks.

 

You have mud flaps on your wheel pants.

 

You think "GPS" stands for Going Perfectly Straight.

 

You've ever used Moonshine as Avgas.

 

Your toothpick keeps poking Your Mike.

 

Just before impact you are heard saying "Hey Y'all, Watch This".

 

You've just taxied all around the airport drinking beer.

 

You use a Purina Bag as a windsock.

 

You refer to flying in formation as "We got ourselves a convey here"

 

If you have a "Powered by Coors" decal on the cow.

 

If you have sports team gimme caps lined up on the glare shield.

 

If you put a fake hump on the cowling to show off your four-barrel Holley with supercharger.

 

If you stick a tennis ball on your transponder antenna.

 

If you put the little Playboy bunny emblems on your wheel pants.

 

If you call wheel pants "fender skirts".

 

You think three bags from Piggly Wiggly is a matched set of luggage.

 

You have ever used sheetrock as part of an aircraft repair.

 

If you have your N number tattooed across your arm.

 

If you have a gun rack mounted on the aft bulkhead.

 

When done tying down you throw your hands in the air and look up at the tower to check your time!

 

You have a spitoon in place of an ash tray.

 

You have fuzzy dice hanging from the compass.

 

You have a fur lined instrument overlay.

 

You have a Confederate flag as a headliner.

 

If you have a beer can crusher on the dash.

 

If you plane is endorsed by your paint company.

 

If you keep Vienna Sausage in your plane for emergency rations.

 

If you have ever used a beer can for aircraft repair.

 

If your canopy cover is a feed sack.

 

If your flight suit consists of bell-bottomed pants.

 

If you ever made love on top of your hangar.

 

You refer to any female ATC controller on the air as "Lil' Darlin".

 

You answer any radio communication with: "That’s a big 10-4".

 

There are parts on your plane with the name John Deere on them.

 

You figure in the weight of a case of Bud on your permanent weight and balance records.

 

Part of your walk-around inspection is taking the wheat out of the Landing gear.

 

You siphon gas out of your tractor for your plane.

 

You use your parachute to cover your plane.

 

You make regular low passes over your girl friend's trailer.

 

You’ve landed on the main street of your town for coffee.

 

When you call the tower, you begin "breaker, breaker, c'mon!"

 

http://www.funnyairlinestories.com/jokes/redneck_pilot.asp