FROM THE AIRWAVES - Well maybe?

[Thruster87]

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.

 

Control Tower replies: 'And where is the world's most experienced

 

airline going today without filing a flight plan?'

 

-----------------------

 

ATC: "Al Italia 345 continue taxi to 26L South via Tango - check for

 

workers along taxiway."

 

Al Italia 345: " Roger, Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked -

 

all are working"

 

-----------------------

 

Nova 851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for

 

10,000, requesting runway 15."

 

Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851, Halifax, the last time I gave

 

a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks.

 

Expect runway 06."

 

-----------------------

 

Lost student pilot: " Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling

 

overhead, please identify yourself."

 

-----------------------

 

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?

 

Pilot: Yes.

 

Tower: Yes what?

 

Pilot: Yes, SIR!

 

---------------------------

 

Frankfurt Control: 'AirForce 1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R.

 

You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed

 

to 130 knots.'

 

Pilot: 'Roger, Frankfurt. We're bringing this big bird back to

 

one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.'

 

Control: (a few moments later): 'AirForce 33, helicopter traffic at 90

 

knots now 11/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110

 

knots.'

 

Pilot: 'AirForce thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110

 

knots'

 

Control: 'AirForce 33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic

 

now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots'

 

Pilot (a little miffed): 'Sir, do you know what the stall speed of

 

this here C-130 is?'

 

Control: 'No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell

 

you.'

 

--------------------------

 

ATC: 'Cessna 123, What are your intentions? '

 

Cessna: 'To get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating.'

 

ATC: 'I meant in the next five minutes not years.'

 

--------------------------

 

Controller: AirForce 123, say call sign of your wingman.

 

Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.

 

Controller: Oh, Oh, Shit! You have traffic!

 

---------------------

 

O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain

 

250 knots.

 

USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that

 

speed?

 

O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.

 

USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.

 

----------------------

 

ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH, altimeter 1019.

 

Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?

 

ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH, altimeter 1019

 

------------------------

 

Cessna 152: 'Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred'

 

Controller: 'Roger, contact Houston Space Center '

 

--------------------------

 

Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.

 

ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.

 

-------------------------

 

Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big "E".

 

Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on

 

radar.' (short pause)... Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake

 

is the Atlantic Ocean . Suggest you turn to the big "W"

 

immediately ..'

 

--------------------

 

Pilot: 'Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000' and 40 DME.'

 

Approach: 'Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000'.'

 

Pilot: 'Approach, 202's unable that descent rate.'

 

Approach: 'What's the matter 202? Don't you have speed brakes?'

 

Pilot: 'Yup. But they're for my mistakes. Not yours.'

 

-----------------------------

 

Tower: 'American...and for your information, you were slightly to

 

the left of the centerline on that approach.'

 

American: 'That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the

 

right'

 

-----------------------

 

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60. (pause)

 

Controller: 'USA353 contact Cleveland Center 135.60!' (pause)

 

Controller: 'USA353 you're just like my wife you never listen!'

 

Pilot: 'Center, this is USA553, maybe if you called her by the right

 

name you'd get a better response!'

 

-----------------------

 

BB: 'Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet.'

 

Bay Approach: 'Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude.'

 

BB: 'Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been

 

run over by some bozo at 8500 feet going the wrong way!'

 

Bay Approach: 'That's a good reason. 8300 approved.'

 

------------------------------------

 

Controller: 'FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an

 

Airbus 330 or 340?'

 

Pilot: 'A340 of course!'

 

Controller: 'Then would you mind switching on the two other engines

 

and give me 1000 feet per minute, please?'

 

---------------------------

 

Tower: 'Cessna 123, turn right now and report your heading.'

 

Pilot: 'Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345...'

 

---------------------------------

 

Foreign Pilot Trainee: 'Tower, please speak slowly, I am a baby in

 

English and lonely in the cockpit'

 

-----------------------

 

Controller: 'CRX600, are you on course to SUL?'

 

Pilot: 'More or less.'

 

Controller: 'So proceed a little bit more to SUL.'

 

----------------------------

 

Pilot: 'Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and

 

push back, please.'

 

Tower: 'KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.'

 

Pilot: 'Please confirm: two hours delay?'

 

Tower: 'Affirmative.'

 

Pilot: 'In that case, cancel the good morning!'

 

 

[eightyknots]

:clap:I love them:clap:

 

 

[Guest Jake.f]

 

Hope some of them are true!

 

 

[denmit]

Very entertaining, thanks Thruster

 

 

[Ronin]

You do have to laugh at some of the statements that come out of our very knowledgeable peers at times....