Maintenance Funnies

[Thirsty]

I'm sure some of these are real!

 

Some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the

 

maintenance crews.

 

Problem: Target Radar hums

 

Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

 

Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”

 

Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”

 

Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.”

 

Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.”

 

Problem: “The autopilot doesn’t.”

 

Signed off: “IT DOES NOW.”

 

Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”

 

Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”

 

Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”

 

Solution: “Evidence removed.”

 

Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”

 

Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”

 

Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”

 

Solution: “Live bugs on order.”

 

Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

 

Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

 

Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”

 

Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”

 

Problem: “IFF inoperative.”

 

Solution: “IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.”

 

Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”

 

Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”

 

Problem: “Number three engine missing.”

 

Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”

 

Problem: Aircraft handles funny

 

Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right” and be serious

 

 

[Thirsty]

Yeah me too. I wrote up one of my own a while back when I was in the RAAF.

 

I was doing a "C" check on an Iroquois and was up in the hell-hole inspecting all the flight control bellcrank bearings when I found one that was seized solid. I wrote it up as "Bear seized in hell-hole"! In my defence there wasn't much room to write on the form hence the abbreviation (and why is that such a long word!).

 

 

[Suitman]

I'd love to see that reply ...