Faeces Happens

[pudestcon]

HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE

 

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD

 

Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!

 

Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

 

 

 

 

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit and tell others to eat shit.

 

 

 

 

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and brasso.

 

 

There are lucky shits, dumb shits and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit.

 

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit,(or duck when the shit hits the fan).

 

 

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

 

 

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

 

 

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit and some days are just plain shitty.

 

 

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit and there are times when you feel like shit.

 

 

 

 

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

 

 

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

 

 

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

 

 

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

 

 

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

 

 

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

 

 

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without any shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........

 

 

 

Well, Shit Happens!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pud

 

 

[Litespeed]

Top Shit

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

**** hot !!

 

 

[dazza 38]

Holy **** that was funny.

 

 

[Guest Maj Millard]

****,.. watch those geese !!.................Capt Sully into the Hudson......................................Maj...

 

 

[Wayne T Mathews]

Q/ The three most feared comments on a multicrew flight deck???...

 

A/ 1/ A Capt who says, "Yeah,,, well watch this."

 

2/ A First Officer who says, "I've got an idea."

 

3/ Or a Flight Engineer who says, "Oh shit."

 

Keep the sunny side up,

 

Wayne.

 

 

[facthunter]

One truism that I can recall on this matter.

 

Life is like a s**t sandwich.

 

The more bread you have

 

the less s**t you have to eat. Nev

 

 

[driftamark]

But always remember that if you dont **** you die

 

 

[skeptic36]

 

Who is Jack Schitt?

 

 

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We

 

find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack

 

Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in

 

an intellectual way.

 

 

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer

 

magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.

 

They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply

 

religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt,

 

Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.

 

 

Against her parents’ objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

 

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe

 

Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living

 

with them she wanted to keep her previous name.

 

She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,

 

and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

 

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable

 

throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in

 

a dual ceremony.The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the

 

Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.

 

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy

 

with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

 

 

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct

 

 

them.