Guernsey Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 ahh....so you've seen her then No Ossie, but judging from your posts you must be a highly intelligent fellow who knows a good thing when he is onto it so I must assume that you picked a wife who was also highly intelligent since she picked you, extremely attractive and in your eyes the 'Best in the world'.. Alan. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ossie Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 No Ossie, but judging from your posts you must be a highly intelligent fellow who knows a good thing when he is onto it so I must assume that you picked a wife who was also highly intelligent since she picked you, extremely attractive and in your eyes the 'Best in the world'.. Alan. highly intelligent....nah, you must have me mixed up with someone else... I think she felt sorry for me.....she's actually said it a few times.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaz3g Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Tie a knot in it! Where do I put the knot? kaz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icebob Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Grab part A firmly in your left hand and part B in your right hand then you................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Where do I put the knot?kaz Hmmm "leading with your chin comes to mind".......Not as the answer.....but more a comment on the question at hand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pudestcon Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Grab part A firmly in your left hand and part B in your right hand then you................... Then you stretch both parts like the neck of a balloon before..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Pud, if yours then makes the same noise as the balloon makes I suggest you need to schedule a trip to the urologist. That said, when "holding on" and a thermal bump occurs a similar involuntary noise can often be heard...so maybe yours isnt broken after all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winsor68 Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 My mother in law makes that "involuntary noise" every time you give her a lift and she gets out of the passenger side... Every bloody time... No jokes!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne T Mathews Posted January 31, 2012 Share Posted January 31, 2012 Where do I put the knot?kaz Now come on, Kaz... These are dangerous waters... Being as how you're a lady of the law, we know damn well you're not going to ask a question like that if you don't know the answer already. Unless of course, it's background for a knotty problem to do with dirty water... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdarby Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I still remember a story I read when I was starting out as a glider pilot. Guy went flying, and was really busting when he came to land the glider. He ended up messing up the landing and cartwheeling all the way down the runway. When they got him to hospital he wasn't in bad shape, but died anyway, due to complications from a full bladder bursting as part of the internal trauma. Don't know if it's only urban legend among glider pilots, but I'm never taking the chance. Just let it go if you have no other choice. A new seat cushion is nothing. Don't risk any landing unless you are comfortable. We were told by the CFI to always use an Energade bottle, but not to throw it out the window. The older pilots used to tell stories of them pouring it out into the slipsteam, and years later of needing to pay a lot to fix the corrosion problems where it run into the landing gear. I guess it's bad stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guernsey Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Where do I put the knot?kaz I put my first knot 14 inches down from the end, so it doesn't get in the way. Alan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naremman Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 The first reality is that in many cases the aircrafts fuel endurance far exceeds the pilots. 130 odd litres in a Jab 160 when it it is sipping 14 litres an hour means the Jab is probably going to win any endurance contest. There is no greater discomfort (well for blokes anyway) , than landing an aircraft after a four hour leg with legs crossed and invariably having to deal with a howling crosswind for good measure. Caiguna has always presented me with the greatest challege to urinary continence, and I have never landed there without a crosswind. It was always after a +240 min leg and there have been too many instances of an abreviated circuit, prompt landing and pull up, quick evacuation of the aircraft and an attempt to address the water deficiency of the Nullabor!! In the 1980 I did quite a bit of flying with a neighbor in his C180, and this guy wore an ostomy bag. Great bloke, but an absolute pain to fly with as bladder endurance was not an issue for him. His passengers could be busting, but "unless it starts dribbling from your ears I am not stopping" was his standard responce. The late Robin Miller tells some good stories, against both herself and her husband, Dr Harold Dicks, in her book "Sugar Bird Lady". In her instance she and Harold were ferrying two light aircraft back from Europe. In the leg Timor to Aus Robin was fighting the urge and thought she as destined to fail. After looking for options the best she could come up with was a full tin of peaches and an old fashioned can opener. The canopy of the aircraft prevented the contents of the tin going over the side, so it was open the tin, leaving some very jagged edges, consume enought of the contents to create space, remove enough clothing to expose nether regions, raise torso, position tin with sharp edges and hope that her aim was true, all while maintaining control of the aircraft complete with tropical turbulence.!!! For all this time Harold was sitting off her wingtip displaying evident hilarity. Harolds close encounter came when he chose to combine his medical knowlege, pilot skills and engineering background to be creative with a funnel and plastic tubing when he and Robin were going to ferry the first Beechcraft Duke for the WA RFDS from the States. The initial use went well until Harold went to detatch the funnel from his own plumbing and failed. More determined efforts were associated with increasing levels of pain. Robin was implored to reduce airspeed pronto and just above stall the suction yielded enough to achieve freedom. Apparently Harold was very wary of approaching his invention again!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naremman Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I am often accused of providing too many bad puns, but could we retitle this thread: "How I met my Waterloo"!!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guernsey Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 I am often accused of providing too many bad puns, but could we retitle this thread: "How I met my Waterloo"!!? Or even "The Battle of Waterloo" Best regards, Nelson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exadios Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Where do I put the knot?kaz About two thirds of the way down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying dog Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 That's a good point and one I should have mentioned earlier. Ok, for glider pilots it is not as easy, but for plane pilots: If you are in this situation close to the end of the flight, don't think "I'll hold on until I land then go." If you are busting to go, abort the landing, get somewhere "safe" and do it. Don't try to empty the bladder WHILE landing. When it is that close and you are un-certain if you will make it, get out of the circuit area and deal with the problem away from other aircraft. Don't try it in the circuit or while landing. It isn't worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sain Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 We had a thread about this a couple of years ago. To prepare yourself for a male inflight #1 emergency get a bottle of fabric softener. remove the easy pour spout thingy and the fabric softner you should have a bottle with a nice wide neck thats uh.. "easy to get in and out of". Reasonable capacity too. If fabric softner bottles arn't made that way where you are then you need to chat up a friendly nurse at your local hospital and get one of the ones they give to male patients. Please note the additional hazard of getting you in trouble with your significant other and take appropriate steps. For #2 emergencys buy yourself a pair of brown trousers. For the female pilots I believe devices are available, but I'm sure it wouldn't be comfortable putting them on and doing your business in turblence. And as a final alternative, get yourself a telescoping fishing rod and a pair of hip/chest high (dependant on needed capacity) fishing waders. The fishing rod is just a disguise, so its important to actually research local fishing spots at your destination, so when somebody asks where your going fishing you can give a halfway intelligent answer. Of course that final alternative may make you look like a bit of a goose at some landing sites. "What, Lake Gairdner doesn't have any water????" *edit* now I feel like a goose, Lake Gairdner does have water - but apparantly Dry Lakes Racers Australia hold their speed week there. That'll learn me to research stuff properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying dog Posted February 2, 2012 Author Share Posted February 2, 2012 Good to see this is keeping itself alive. The replies have been interesting to say the least. Now, indulge me a bit more thought on the topic thus: We've covered the "event" and how to deal with it - kinda. Though mostly with number 1's rather than 2's. My next stumbling point is AFTER THE FACT! Ok, 1's will - maybe at worst - be a wet stain on the trousers. Easily explainable away as spilt water while flying. But sersiously, what about number 2's? Oh, and I don't mean the ones which are nice and dry. I'm talking about the ones like mud. Runny, wet and pretty well full on yucky! Yeah, ok, not a nice thing to think about/what ever. Hey, I am only asking. I feel by talking about it we can learn to "accept" how it would feel and, if by some bad luck, you are ever caught or see someone who has been caught out, know how to act so as to not make it any wore for the parties involved than it already is. But I can only try to imagine a plane landing and the pilot (or PAX) getting out with a somewhat obvious brown stain. Reguardless of the face they would have enduring the smell. And then ofcourse there is the problem of cleaning out the plane. Eeeeewwwwww..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Tuck the bottom of your trouser legs in your socks. ( and don't get too obsessed with bodily functions). It's rarely fatal, and watch what you eat and drink the night before and that morning. Food poisoning is always possible if you eat sushi and chicken that has been around too long or reheated. Nev 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guernsey Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I gave the answer in a previous post, fit a champagne cork but make sure it is a cork and not one of those plastic types, saw off about half of the head so it will not be uncomfortable sitting on the protrusion. When reaching your toilet on landing there is no need to remove the cork with your fingers as the pressure built up will do the trick and the massive splash that results will wash your bottom region quite satisfactorily. Regarding the corks you will find that one size fits all although the taper can vary. We carry several in the aircraft but find that the Great Western Champagne Corks to be the best. Now that I have your attention, sorry guys, I just can't help my sense of humour so now I'll put my serious face on. You are correct flying dog number two's are a more serious problem so I would also be very keen on other peoples ideas to fix the problem. Alan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne T Mathews Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 You are correct flying dog number two's are a more serious problem so I would also be very keen on other peoples ideas to fix the problem.Alan. But Nev has already told you the answer... Tuck your trouser legs into your soxs and get on with aviating... And if you wear shorts when you fly,,, well serves you right, you silly billy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guernsey Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 But Nev has already told you the answer... Tuck your trouser legs into your soxs and get on with aviating... And if you wear shorts when you fly,,, well serves you right, you silly billy... But how on earth would that work if we do what you state "Keep the sunny side up" Alan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne T Mathews Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 But how on earth would that work if we do what you state "Keep the sunny side up" Alan. Oh come on Alan... Contrary to some people's belief, the sun never shines out of a pilot's bottom end... Well, maybe it did out of Ray Hanna, Bob Hoover, Chuck Yeager, and blokes like that. But us normal blokes are pretty safe Mate.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guernsey Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Oh come on Alan... Contrary to some people's belief, the sun never shines out of a pilot's bottom end... Well, maybe it did out of Ray Hanna, Bob Hoover, Chuck Yeager, and blokes like that. But us normal blokes are pretty safe Mate.... Okay Wayne that confirms that I must be 'abnormal' as my wife believes that the sun does shine out of my 'aspidestra'. I am her sunshine her only sunshine I make her happy when skies are blue you'll never know Wayne how much she loves me, so please don't take my sunshine away. GOT YER Alan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne T Mathews Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Okay Wayne that confirms that I must be 'abnormal' as my wife believes that the sun does shine out of my 'aspidestra'.I am her sunshine her only sunshine I make her happy when skies are blue you'll never know Wayne how much she loves me, so please don't take my sunshine away. GOT YER Alan. Hmmm,,, we seem to have a credibility problem here. I want to believe you Alan,,, I really do want to believe you... But you also said to Kaz, only yesterday... I put my first knot 14 inches down from the end, so it doesn't get in the way. Alan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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