kgwilson Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said'I want to be a movie star.' Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, 'What's your name?' The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.' The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.' 'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is a fine old Dutch name and is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Nope, not ever..' The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years .... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.' 'So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and he left the agent's office. FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a cheque for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed ..... 'Dear Sir, five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed cheque is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.' Sincerely, Dick van Dyke 5
Virago Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Now that IS funny Kevin! Hmmm ... I wonder if Peter Slipper should change his name too!
Guest john Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said'I want to be a movie star.' Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, 'What's your name?' The guy said, 'My name is Penis van Lesbian.' The agent said, 'Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.' 'I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is a fine old Dutch name and is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Nope, not ever..' The agent said, 'Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years .... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.' 'So be it! I guess we will not do business together' the guy said and he left the agent's office. FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a cheque for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed ..... 'Dear Sir, five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed cheque is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.' Sincerely, Dick van Dyke
Guest john Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 1..I knew Professional Photographer once whose real name was Richard Head, & everbody use to call him Dick Head. 2. Some of the older members may recall that in the AOPA magazine there use to be a regular article titled "The Queensland Scene" which was always written by Roy Schuh. He once stood for the local Council elections & addressed a group of employees, & told them that because his surname was started with S for Schuh, he was therefore at a disadvantage because his name appeared on the ballot paper towards the end. An interjector got up in the crowd & yelled out that if he was to change his name by deed poll to "BOOTS", then he would appear on the ballot paper at the top instead of the bottom.
damkia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaime_Sin was the one that always gave me a chuckle. I've also known a Dr Death (pron: Dee-ath), Dr Nurse, and Dr Hacker (surgeon)
facthunter Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 There is a Cardinal Sin in the Phillipines. Nev
Tomo Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 My dad's old orthodontist was a man by the name of, Mr Payne
eightyknots Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 It is interesting how many people there are whose names are somehow related to their occupation. This is called an Aptronym. These are real APTRONYMS... gleaned from: http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25079.html Ray Ferrie is a retired ferryboat captain. Linda Toot was the principal flute and William Basson was the bassoonist in the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra. Mr. Sues is a lawyer. Richard Seed is a pioneer of reproductive technology. Cardinal Jaime Sin is former head of the Catholic Church in the Philippines. (Nev pointed this one out above ^) Prof. Martin Braine is an American cognitive psychologist. Prof. John Wisdom is an American philosopher. Dr. Mishe Feinmesser (which means knife), is an Israeli surgeon. Dr. Fingers is a well-know gynecologist in Australia. (Has anyone come across him in Australia?) Lake Speed is a NASCAR driver. Dr. Dick Bone is an osteopath. Patricia Feral is an animal rights activist in Stamford, CT. (You must admit, it would be hard to take her seriously!) A guy name Hooker runs a bait shop. George Hammer used to own a hardware store in Louisville, KY. His son, Pete Hammer, now owns it. The expert on deformed frogs (a problem in Minnesota) is Professor Hoppe of Southwest University of Minnesota. In Maine, there is a veterinarian named Dr. Beever and a physician named Dr. DeKay. There is a law firm in California called Payne & Fears who represent employers in employment litigation. At the British Guards Depot, the chief medical officer was a Captain Blood, his assistant was Lieutenant Butcher; the Dental Officer was a Major Savage. Dr. I. Doctor, Eye Doctor, is an ophthalmologist. There's a used car dealership was owned by Karl Krook. ("I have a good used Holden Commodore and it's a real bargain") At the Oscar Mayer plant in Madison, Wisconsin, the FED meat inspector is named Mr. Carrion. Dr. Metzger is an orthopedic surgeon. The name translated from German means "butcher." Jared Wooley raises sheep and Dr. Bone is an orthopedist in Buffalo, NY. Back in the '70s there were two urologists in Rochester, NY named Dr. Cocky and Dr. Wee. Dr. David Toothaker is a dentist in Arkansas. There is also a Dr. Coffin, Dr. Fearing, Dr. Sorrow, Dr. Pray and Dr. Death (pronounced Deeth) who should probably change his name or his profession. And not to be outdone by Yanks, Bracebridge, Ontario, Canada, boasts of an optometrist named Gord Looker, an electrician named Bruce Sparks, a heating contractor named Mr. Freeze, a sawmill operator named Jordan Plank, and Jim Crook manages the local penitentiary while his assistant is Susan Penwarden. Dr. Tom Fillar is a dentist. Sir Russell Brain is a famous English neurologist. Dr. Hertz was a dentist in Ft. Lauderdale. Rev. D. Goodenough is a Methodist minister. Roland Cruz is an auto mechanic. Dr. Slaughter is an oral surgeon. Enjoy!
pudestcon Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 In Perth Western Australia we used to have a Dr Dugood who practised at the Wright Orrong Medical Centre on the corner of Wright Street and Orrong Road in Belmont. Pud
damkia Posted April 28, 2012 Posted April 28, 2012 Desiree Virgin - Marketing Mgr, HBA Learning.... For real, I almost popped it straight in the trash before reading it......
flindersflyer Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 It is interesting how many people there are whose names are somehow related to their occupation. This is called an Aptronym.These are real APTRONYMS... gleaned from: http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/25079.html Ray Ferrie is a retired ferryboat captain. Linda Toot was the principal flute and William Basson was the bassoonist in the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra. Mr. Sues is a lawyer. Richard Seed is a pioneer of reproductive technology. Cardinal Jaime Sin is former head of the Catholic Church in the Philippines. (Nev pointed this one out above ^) Prof. Martin Braine is an American cognitive psychologist. Prof. John Wisdom is an American philosopher. Dr. Mishe Feinmesser (which means knife), is an Israeli surgeon. Dr. Fingers is a well-know gynecologist in Australia. (Has anyone come across him in Australia?) Lake Speed is a NASCAR driver. Dr. Dick Bone is an osteopath. Patricia Feral is an animal rights activist in Stamford, CT. (You must admit, it would be hard to take her seriously!) A guy name Hooker runs a bait shop. George Hammer used to own a hardware store in Louisville, KY. His son, Pete Hammer, now owns it. The expert on deformed frogs (a problem in Minnesota) is Professor Hoppe of Southwest University of Minnesota. In Maine, there is a veterinarian named Dr. Beever and a physician named Dr. DeKay. There is a law firm in California called Payne & Fears who represent employers in employment litigation. At the British Guards Depot, the chief medical officer was a Captain Blood, his assistant was Lieutenant Butcher; the Dental Officer was a Major Savage. Dr. I. Doctor, Eye Doctor, is an ophthalmologist. There's a used car dealership was owned by Karl Krook. ("I have a good used Holden Commodore and it's a real bargain") At the Oscar Mayer plant in Madison, Wisconsin, the FED meat inspector is named Mr. Carrion. Dr. Metzger is an orthopedic surgeon. The name translated from German means "butcher." Jared Wooley raises sheep and Dr. Bone is an orthopedist in Buffalo, NY. Back in the '70s there were two urologists in Rochester, NY named Dr. Cocky and Dr. Wee. Dr. David Toothaker is a dentist in Arkansas. There is also a Dr. Coffin, Dr. Fearing, Dr. Sorrow, Dr. Pray and Dr. Death (pronounced Deeth) who should probably change his name or his profession. And not to be outdone by Yanks, Bracebridge, Ontario, Canada, boasts of an optometrist named Gord Looker, an electrician named Bruce Sparks, a heating contractor named Mr. Freeze, a sawmill operator named Jordan Plank, and Jim Crook manages the local penitentiary while his assistant is Susan Penwarden. Dr. Tom Fillar is a dentist. Sir Russell Brain is a famous English neurologist. Dr. Hertz was a dentist in Ft. Lauderdale. Rev. D. Goodenough is a Methodist minister. Roland Cruz is an auto mechanic. Dr. Slaughter is an oral surgeon. Enjoy! And in Adelaide there is a Dr Woof, and guess what he is/was a vet in the NE suburbs Tea Tree Gully I believe.
Flying Librarian Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 Hazair at Albury (ag aviation) used to be Death Aviation, operated by Stephen Death. Pronounced Deeth
damkia Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 http://www.theage.com.au/digital-life/hometech/slash-your-power-bill-by-10-20120530-1zir9.html In the article the female co-inventor's christian name is, ummmmmmmmm................
Camel Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 A mate knew a guy called Owen Heaps who was trying to get a loan
Gnarly Gnu Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 http://www.theage.com.au/digital-life/hometech/slash-your-power-bill-by-10-20120530-1zir9.htmlIn the article the female co-inventor's christian name is, ummmmmmmmm................ Believe it or not that is a fairly common name in Iran.
eightyknots Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 http://www.theage.com.au/digital-life/hometech/slash-your-power-bill-by-10-20120530-1zir9.htmlIn the article the female co-inventor's christian name is, ummmmmmmmm................ To the English-speaking ear, it sounds rather dodgy.
damkia Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 To the English-speaking ear, it sounds rather dodgy. You wouldn't exactly like to shout in a crowded pub, "Where's ..........?" Likely to be booted out quick smart.
kgwilson Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 There is apparently a headstone somewhere in US that reads simply "Owen Moore has gone away owin more than he could pay" The headstone was erected by his creditors.
dazza 38 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 There is a headstone in the states (Apparently) which reads, "Here lies John Mc Graw, he was quick on the trigger but slow on the draw" The headstone is probably in Tombstone.(Arizona)
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