Fifty Sheds of Grey

[rdarby]

The novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women – and baffled blokes. Now, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...

 

Fifty Sheds Of Grey

 

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall...

 

but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

 

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.

 

"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."

 

So I took her to Bunning's.

 

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.

 

I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

 

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.

 

She still manages to get into the shed, though.

 

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.

 

"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.

 

"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

 

"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."

 

So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

 

"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"

 

"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

 

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.

 

Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

 

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.

 

"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.

 

"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.

 

"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

 

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."

 

She nodded.

 

"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

 

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"

 

"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

 

 

[Kyle Communications]

Now that was funny...showed them to my wife who has read that book....her comment was....that would be right...men and their sheds

 

 

[Sapphire]

I am a shed man and my tools are hung up on the wall. That was great-in fact better than great

 

 

[cscotthendry]

Gold!!!

 

 

[Zibi]

You can find more at https://twitter.com/50ShedsofGrey

 

 

[facthunter]

Real men need sheds. They have atmosphere , function, purpose and if they are natural enough where they have just evolved like topsy so to speak , a certain uniqueness, hard to attain in anything designed for any concept of image. They can even smell nice, if there has been a couple of speedway bikes stored there that have run on alcohol/castor. They are also a sancturary, an escape. Women have to understand this. Whatever fancy things they perform ( with an unfathomable aim in mind, other than "good honest lust") will NOT replace the shed. (Well not all the time)... Nev

 

 

[Kyle Communications]

Very true words Nev. Any man that has any sort of mechanical or industrial involvement or hobby needs his shed to make sure his life road is stable. I know for a fact I could NOT live with out my sheds be whatever shape or style they are. It is a man's escape from the stress and problems of his world the place that calms him and allows him to think in peace and quiet at times or when he is doing something he likes. The normal woman's version is "to go shopping" ours is to "going up to the shed". I am so lucky my wife understands this totally and not once has she ever said anything about the love affair with my sheds or what I do in them...then again my wife hates going shopping she would rather go for a drive or a fly or mow the grass on her rider mower or whipper snip the yard or go for a ride on the quads or just kick back and play with her iPad. I am a very lucky man as I have been in the "other" position before with women not understanding the vital role sheds play in a man's psychi

 

Mark

 

 

[facthunter]

We are lucky people Mark. Nev

 

 

[Guest Howard Hughes]

Sheds? Cold damp places, so last century...

 

Us 'caring understanding noughties types', prefer 'man caves'! After all we wouldn't want all our hi tech gear getting wet, would we?

 

 

[Kyle Communications]

I have lots of very hitech electronic gear in one of my sheds ...it is insulated and air-conditioned....it doesnt get damp...and I am a baby boomer sorry not a norti