Some light relief from current issues.

[Louie]

Don’t miss scrolling all the way down to read the flight attendants comments to the passengers. Very good!

 

 

 

 

 

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And have a read about their Customer Relations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.

 

 

 

 

 

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.

 

 

 

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

 

 

 

 

 

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,

 

"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

 

 

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

 

 

 

----o0o---

 

 

 

On landing, the stewardess said,

 

"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

 

 

 

----o0o---

 

 

 

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

 

 

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

 

 

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:

 

"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 

 

 

---o0o--

 

 

 

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced,

 

"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

 

 

From a Kulula employee:

 

"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

 

 

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

 

 

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

 

 

 

----o0o---

 

 

 

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

 

 

 

---o0o---

 

 

 

And from the pilot during his welcome message:

 

"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

 

 

 

---o0o—

 

 

 

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,

 

"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

 

 

 

---o0o—

 

 

 

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,

 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

 

 

 

---o0o—

 

 

 

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

 

 

 

---o0o—

 

 

 

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,

 

"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

 

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

 

The little old lady said,

 

"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

 

 

 

---o0o—

 

 

 

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,

 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

 

 

 

---o0o—

 

 

 

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:

 

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

 

 

 

[gareth lacey]

 

[mAgNeToDrOp]

I can't see the images, or is it just me ?

 

 

[gareth lacey]

Nor me ,but the jokey stuff was funny

 

 

[Louie]

Sorry guys images hopefully ok now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[facthunter]

Yeah good stuff. Why don't you change your name to Louie the FLY(er) Nev

 

 

[Sapphire]

That's great, but I couldn't see it as one of the "Presidential Planes". Though O'bama does have a sense of humour, his body guards usually look pretty emotionless.

 

 

[facthunter]

Obama is not irish. Nev

 

 

[Louie]

Yeah good stuff. Why don't you change your name to Louie the FLY(er) Nev

Good-one Nev might just do that!

 

 

[eightyknots]

---o0o—

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,

 

"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

 

"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"

 

The little old lady said,

 

"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

 

---o0o—

That's funny! I love it when older people don't lose their sense of humour!

 

 

[Guernsey]

Good-one Nev might just do that!

Your Avatar would have to be an aircraft upside down with its undercarriage legs up in the air.

 

Alan.

 

 

[Guernsey]

OK Guys and Gals, Who's game to paint their aircraft in a similar way.

 

Now I would like to see that.

 

Alan.

 

 

[Sapphire]

OK Guys and Gals, Who's game to paint their aircraft in a similar way.Now I would like to see that.

 

Alan.

 

 

I'd put on the passenger door "My Girl-Ride Her Tenderly"

 

 

[Sapphire]

Your Avatar would have to be an aircraft upside down with its undercarriage legs up in the air.Alan.

 

 

That might be his favorite position.

 

 

[facthunter]

They only do that after they have been sprayed. Reminds me of the scene in a battlefield where I think it was John Cleese on a field telephone to a superior officer and says " Sir my men are dying like flies " and the camera moves to these soldiers on their backs spinning around with their arms and legs bent up going BZZZZZZZ, BZZZZzz. Nev

 

 

[planedriver]

They only do that after they have been sprayed. Reminds me of the scene in a battlefield where I think it was John Cleese on a field telephone to a superior officer and says " Sir my men are dying like flies " and the camera moves to these soldiers on their backs spinning around with their arms and legs bent up going BZZZZZZZ, BZZZZzz. Nev

More Teen Flyers tend to view things that way Nev

 

Kind Regards

 

Alan

 

 

[planedriver]

OMG, you got the 1,600 post Nev.

 

Just forward me all your credit card details, and you could be lucky enough to win yourself a free Ipad, or an empty bank account.

 

 

[Guernsey]

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to flight 123 bound for Sydney, this is a recorded message and we wish to anounce that this is our first fully automated flight where we have no crew flying the aircraft. Please fasten your seat belts for take off and please be assured that absolutely nothing can go wrong,..can go wrong,..can go wrong,..can go wrong.

 

Alan.