PARACHUTING and the Dumb Blonde. . . .

[Phil Perry]

Propping up the bar at a Londonish area airfield not long ago, a drop dead gorgeous Blonde Lady walked into the bar and ordered a drink.

 

I said to her casually ( as you do. . . ) Hi,. . . how you doing. . . ?? . . . . .she said, "I'm fine,. . . are you a pilot ? ". . . I said. . . Yes,. . .but I'm here today do do some parachuting.

 

She thought carefully about this for a few moments and then said,. . . . " I didn't know there was anywhere left where you could legally Shoot Parrots. . . . . ."

 

 

[facthunter]

Do you lisp Phil.? Nev (President of the Stop Rubbishing Dumb Blondes Movement)

 

 

[Guernsey]

Do you lisp Phil.? Nev (President of the Stop Rubbishing Dumb Blondes Movement)

No need to rubbish them.....they do it on their own.

 

Alan.

 

 

[Gnarly Gnu]

^ Just wanted to try the new gay post button Alan.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Do you lisp Phil.? Nev (President of the Stop Rubbishing Dumb Blondes Movement)

Did I mention the word . . . . . ." DUMB " ?? . . . . I would NEVER be so disrespectful !!

 

 

[Phil Perry]

OOOOOOOOPS. . . . . Sorry, well. . . . Yes. . . . . I did use the word . . . "Dumb" in the thread title. . . . . . .

 

Well Thpotted . . . . . . Thorry Nev,. . . . I havent made a mithtake like that for over thixteen yearth. . . . . ( Editor's Note - - - No offence intended to perthonth with a thpeech impediment,. . . But it was NEV who thtarted it ) Credit where credith'th due. . . .

 

 

[facthunter]

You were supposed to point out MY use of the term too. Nev

 

 

[Head in the clouds]

Another fairly real story about parachuting and the less than full quid blonde.

 

She was a cute little thing and brought along to the drop zone by one of the lads, decided she'd like to try a few jumps, in fact was very keen in that respect and much admired by all the lads for her enthusiasm.

 

Anyway she completed the AFF (advanced free fall) course without too many mishaps, but there were quite enough little 'moments' to provide a warning. Sometimes our pretty little flower just forgot important things while in the air.

 

Quickly progressing to relative work (when several people jump out together and link up to form nice patterns and grope each other on the way down...) she became a favourite of all the participants, well almost all. She was quite light which meant that in full arch (some people get 'full arch' mixed up with spreadeagled but that is another position altogether, blondie was better at the latter than...anyway I'm digressing again) she descended quite a lot slower than the heavier ones so would tend to end up floating higher than them instead of linked up. She was shown how to go down (we're still talking about free-fall here) by reducing her drag by sort of scrunching up a bit from the full arch. Unfortunately this could end up with Petal in a screaming dive and crashing into other folks at high speed which could be very dangerous so it wasn't all that long before the only jumping and relative work the lads wanted to do with her was after they'd landed.

 

Anyway - I don't remember how it came about but she ended up in free-fall one day with a bunch of folk watching from the clubhouse and she was the only one coming down, and down, and down, and... you get the idea, until she disappeared behind the trees and cars raced off by the dozen to the bounce scene. The first to get there saw Pretty-Pretty limping toward them in floods of tears, and looking all the prettier for it of course.

 

Much later during a few legopeners beers the full story started to come out. All had gone well exiting the plane at 12,000. She'd never seen the rest of the group after that as they'd maxtracked (flown sideways) away to avoid any danger from Petal's wayward flying. So Petal kept scouring the air in all directions but never saw a soul. After a while she remembered what she should be doing and checked her alt, it was 8500. All good, so she kept searching and searching, not a sign of them. She searched for the clubhouse and found it, checked the lawns - no-one there either. Checked her alt, it was 4000. Must open soon after next check she thought to herself.

 

And kept searching everywhere. They'd just disappeared into thin air, really weird, strange. Checked her alt, it was 4000.

 

Then she realised she'd only been checking below her, they must be above and would be easy to spot against the clear sky so she searched the full 360 degrees above her, still nowhere to be seen, She checked her alt, it was 4000.

 

Oh well, bugger them she thought, she might even withhold her favours tonight if they wanted to play such nasty tricks on her and she looked down...

 

At this point the fascinated audience couldn't contain themselves any longer - "Squishy", they ranted, all together, "didn't you realise your alt had stuck?"

 

"No" she cried, distressed, and with tears welling in her huge blue eyes.

 

"Then why did you open at all?" they countered.

 

"The trees got really frigging big!" she howled.

 

 

[nomadpete]

Do you lisp Phil.? Nev (President of the Stop Rubbishing Dumb Blondes Movement)

Sorry Nev, So, can I start rubbishing smart blonds with your blessing now ?

 

 

[Phil Perry]

You were supposed to point out MY use of the term too. Nev

THORRY NEV. . . . . . I THOUGHT I JUTHT DID. . . . . .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Sorry Nev, So, can I start rubbishing smart blonds with your blessing now ?

Pete. . . I think that My mate Nev and I would agree in total that you can rubbith CLEVER ladieths with lightith coloured lockth ath much ath you like,. . . . ath they are fair game.

 

 

[Tomo]

If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you....

 

 

[Phil Perry]

FOR SALE. . . . . . . . Gemini 77A personal Parachute. . . . . . . .

 

Used Once,. . . . . . Never opened. . . . . .

 

 

[Phil Perry]

If shooting parrots at close range, . . . . . would you use a choke, . . . . or go drainpipe . . . . .?

 

 

[PA.]

FOR SALE. . . . . . . . Gemini 77A personal Parachute. . . . . . . .

Used Once,. . . . . . Never opened. . . . . .

Small stain.