Phil's Giggles 2 . . .

[Phil Perry]

It's wifey's birthday so I've booked a table and I'm taking her out tonight.

 

Mind you, It will all end in tears, as she's absolutely rubbish at snooker.

 

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They say that sex is by far the best kind of excercise but, correct me if I'm wrong, surely 2 miutes and 13 seconds once every six months isn't really going to shift this beer belly ?

 

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I met this drop dead gorgeous woman in the park the other night,. . .the sparks flew, and we ended up having sex there and then. . . . . . . . . Geez, I love my new Taser.

 

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It's a really unfair world don't you think ? if you talk dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, . . .if a woman talks dirty to YOU it's usually $5.75 a minute ( charges may vary )

 

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When I was a youngster, the bigger kids used to drag me into an alley,. . . smother me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head,. . . . . . . Yeah,. . . . it was real tough growing up in the Gateau.

 

 

[M61A1]

Acouple more....

 

Was watching a documentary about Alzheimer's last night, and my wife turns to me and says

 

"What a horrible condition, if I ever get Alzheimer's , I think I'll just shoot myself".

 

"I know" I replied, "You said that 5 minutes ago".

 

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My wife packed my bags today after finding out that I had a one night stand with another woman.

 

"I want you to go!" she screamed.

 

I said, "Please can we just talk about it first?"

 

"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.

 

I sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

 

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At a job interview.

 

"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"

 

"Honesty."

 

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

 

"I don't give a f**k what you think."