Round Engines

[Guest thrasher]

Death to the turbines!

 

We gotta get rid of these turbines, they are ruining aviation.

 

We need to go back to big round engines.

 

Anybody can start a turbine, you just need to move a switch from"OFF" to "START," and then remember to move it back to "ON" after

 

a while.

 

My PC is harder to start.

 

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it.

 

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a small lady-like poot and start whining louder.

 

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big macho fart or two, more clicks, a lot of smoke and finally a serious low pitched

 

roar.

 

We like that. It's a blokey thing.

 

When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but hardly exciting.

 

Turbines don't break often enough, leading to aircrew boredom,complacency and inattention.

 

A round engine at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow at any minute.

 

This helps concentrate the mind.

 

Turbines don't have enough control levers to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.

 

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman lanterns.

 

Round engined planes smell like God intended flying machines to smell.

 

I think I hear the nurse coming down the hall. I gotta go.

 

 

[Geoff]

Very good and true, but the author clearly has never started a Garrett TPE series turbine, there a bit like setting a bear trap, it takes delicate finger work and concentration and when it goes wrong it'll happen like flam'in lightening and cost you an arm and a leg.