"BLONDE" MEN STORIES

[Phil Perry]

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

 

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Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take

 

them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

 

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A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

 

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A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

 

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A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

 

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A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

 

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A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

 

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

 

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A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

 

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A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies.

 

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A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him

 

hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.

 

"Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

 

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(This one actually makes sense.)

 

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers

 

always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

 

( From Cannock Blonde Aeronautical Society )

 

 

 

[Marty_d]

Thanks Phil. P*ssed myself laughing. (Not literally).

 

 

[Jabiru Phil]

Probably a good idea to give the Irish a rest for a while.

 

 

[Marty_d]

It's funny - over here, we tell Irish jokes... over there, they tell jokes about County Kerry folk. Don't know who the Kerry residents tell jokes about.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Probably a good idea to give the Irish a rest for a while.

Irish Phil . . .? I must have missed something. . . OHHHH You want some Irish stories ?. . . . can't think of one at the moment,. . .bin a long day, usually, in the UK, there has to be a really major disaster then suddenly the electronic media is full of very distasteful humour regarding that subject. . .strange that,. . .must be some kind of sub-psychological defence mechanism. . . As for the Irish, well,. . .I DO remember, after my first ( and only ) trip to Wexford in Eire, asking an Irishperson why it seemed to me that the grass in Ireland appeared to be so green,. . . he replied, . . . "Sure and that's because we're all over here in the UK walking on yours. . . . ."

 

 

[Deskpilot]

Chilli Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of

 

 

 

furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could

 

find.

 

 

 

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a

 

line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new

 

acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

 

 

 

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite

 

crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in

 

the house.

 

 

 

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked

 

him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned

 

to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down

 

 

 

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language.

 

After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a

 

napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded,

 

so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

 

 

 

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and

 

 

 

drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the

 

bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic

 

music.

 

 

 

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture

 

of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until

 

 

 

the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

 

 

 

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a

 

four-poster bed.

 

 

 

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture

 

business.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

It's funny - over here, we tell Irish jokes... over there, they tell jokes about County Kerry folk. Don't know who the Kerry residents tell jokes about.

They tell jokes about Phil.