Its A Boring Job

[George]

So cheerful

 

"Captain, what would you like to do with your passengers" enquires the chirpy smiling agent from aerocare, whom soon became affectionately known, as "happy jonny".

 

Jonny, please disembark our passengers, take them to the terminal, and organise for them all, meal and drink tickets please. (I'm sure the company is gonna dock my pay for that one, but hey, they been through quite a bit). We need to organise some maintenance on the aircraft and we are not sure how long we could be parked here. Advise them all that we will be here at the minimum 1 hour.

 

"Oh yes Captain, with pleasure sir. An hour will be perfect as your aircraft has now been temporarily impounded sir" Jonny's face seems to get wider with a grin the more he speaks.

 

"Impounded you say, for what reason?" - "it is ok sir, it is nothing, your company is completing the required paperwork as we speak, and should be completed and the transaction processed in one hour, - your aircraft sir landed in Bang Kok without a clearance"

 

A quick glance at the FO as a puzzled look crosses his face too, "PIGS BUM we landed without a clearance, the tower cleared us to land!!!!"

 

Still smiling "No sorry sir, you misunderstand, your company has not received approval from the authority to fly to Bang Kok" - "Ok thanks jonny, we'll leave that to them, as we got a more pressing items to sort out. Any chance you could collect our flight plans and updated weather for changmai, and possibly organise a fuel truck for us." - "Yes sir, everything has been organised already sir, and shall be ready once your aircraft has been released" - "Thank you Jonny"

 

"Captain, Flight Purser here, can we order some bottles of water, and then go to the terminal?" - "How many bottles?" - "About a dozen will do it!" - "Ok sounds good, be back in 30 minutes"

 

Bzzzz Bzzzzzz "Hello, yes, engineering, great!. Yes you got my message. We have a problem with that TRU you signed off earlier today.....yes it went off line again and caused all kinds of fun.......bad power up you say.....power down the aircraft, wait five minutes, power up again and see if it clears?........OK, will give it a go, call you back"

 

As mentioned before, this aircraft is part plane, and part computer, and alot of problems can usually be cured by simply doing a "reboot", which, funnily enough is something most people operating MS windows are more than familiar. When we first took the embraer e-jet into service, a powerdown/powerup cycle was almost a daily occurrence, sometimes requiring multiple powerdown/powerup procedures. It became so common in fact that one day, a particular funny mechanic, quite witty in fact, came to the cockpit at our request, to listen to our report on a most annoying defect with the radio altimeter. Whenever we passed 6000 feet on descent, and over water, the radalt would start to trigger the landing gear aural warning, the aircraft would cry out "landing gear, landing gear" all the while through 6000 feet to 5000 feet, and forbid the time when atc hold you at that altitude. This makes it very difficult to listen to radio calls.

 

After listening to our plight, he burst into deep throes of laughter, and was last heard leaving the cockpit saying...."hehehe, when you get that problem again, power down, wait 5 minutes, power up....then problem gone!!!!! HAHAHA" This may not make sense until you realize that to reboot the aircraft software, all powersources need to be turned off, wait 5 minutes, and then back on,, including engines/apu's/batteries etc. The ole boy was laughing so hard in jest that it would take less than 5 minutes before the glider would become a boat, completely fixing the problem!

 

 

Five minutes later we have rebooted the E-jet, and funnily enough the TRU 1 has cleared itself and back online. "A quick call to engineering has them informing us that we are all good to go. After many objections to their conclusion, it finally comes time to admit defeat as its about impossible to argue the point, as they explicitly state, that we do not have a problem anymore because it is NOT FAILED."

 

Ka THUMP. ka THUMP.... What the heck is that. A quick check through the cockpit doors sees a chain of people lined up along the air-stairs, passing to each other, huge boxes of an unknown item, and piling them up in the galley. Hey guys whats going on. Your water sir. Oh geez, looks like someone got their wires crossed, I think my flight purser said they only wanted 12 liters of water, not 12 boxes of 9 x 1.5 liter bottles!!! "Sorry sir, too late now sir" - "We only have 46 passengers, and we don't intend to give them all a bath just yet"

 

Speaking of which, now where are those cabin crew?

 

 

[George]

Dont ask!

 

"Hi guys, where have you been, we are almost ready to go?"

 

"Dont ask, you dont want to know" says a very flustered Flight Purser - "K, i can live with that"

 

"Hey whats with all this water" - "hehe dont ask, you ordered it!"

 

Its the best part about having a small crew, even when obstacles of all nature are being thrown in ones path, its the humour and unity that keeps you going.

 

"If you cant pack it all, let me know and we can stow the left overs in the cargo hold, how long before you think the cabin will be ready for pax" - "Not long, cleaners are all done." - "Great thanks, let happy jonny know the good news when your ready to board"

 

Its not long now, and the passengers have jumped off the bus, trudged up the stairs for another crack at Changmai, to be greeted at the door with a grin and a 1.5 liter bottle of water each.

 

The weather on the forecast for changmai has improved, aircraft has fully refuelled, clearances copied down, and FMS all setup for the departure.

 

Its at this time we look forward to see all the bins, equipment and other vehicles, being removed from the front of the aircraft. Mmm strange. Still no sign of the tug.

 

At last a clearance comes through from tower allowing for engine start up. A quick call to the ground mechanic, to find out how long before the tug arrives..."Um sir, no tug, we do not have a towbar, and no pushback available" - The penny drops, of course, now I understand why it took so long for the ground frequency to find us a bay. Our company must have contacted ground services ahead of our arrival, to inform them that the E-jet requires its very own, one of a kind, cant use any other kind, of tow bar, and thus, requires a taxi in taxi out bay. It is at this time, that you see alot of work going on behind the scenes trying to keep the operation going. In the mean time the bay we parked on, was being turned into a makeshift taxi in taxi out bay. NICE

 

"Hong Kong Shuttle, clear taxi straight ahead, left onto Charlie, left at echo, right onto bravo, hold short delta."

 

A few minutes into the future, and the little E-jet reaches for the sky dragging its wheels back up into its bays, as it soars upwards like a home sick angel, no performance figures for a reduced thrust take off out of Bang Kok, so the boys have the rocket ship wound up for a full thrust take off.

 

An hour later, the wheels drop from their wells, and accept the 32 tonne weight of the aircraft and its payload as it arrives at a well flooded airport in changmai.

 

 

[George]

Break the Chain!

 

The E-jet pulls up at Bay 1 in changmai, and rapidly deplanes the passengers eager to get off before they are taken for another joy ride.

 

By this time the sun has long since sank below the dark hill to the west, and what ambient light remains is absorbed by the heavy rain clouds overhead.

 

A quick turnaround ensues, no re-fueling required, just load the next lot of bags, and next lot of pax, and we are good to go.

 

The agent advises us that the pax are extremely upset, but are happy to finally see the aircraft, and be ready to board the flight back to Hong Kong ASAP.

 

Quick browse through the weather forecasts, indicate thunderstorms enroute, and weather deteriorating in Hong Kong. Brief chat to the crew, see how they are coping, its been a long day, they are tired, theyve been going now for 12 hours already, still another 2 and half to go.

 

Ready for pax, lets go home!

 

Clear Pushback

 

"Clear to start engine no 1" - "Starting Engine no 1"

 

"Engine No 1 start normal"

 

"Clear to start engine no 2" .... BLING - TRU 1 FAIL

 

Argh - Damn. Cockpit to ground hold position, we have a small technical problem "QRH for TRU 1 FAIL please"

 

......Checklist complete. Wont reset. Lets just try engine 2, and see if it comes back online.

 

"Starting number 2" - "Engine 2 Start Normal"

 

Nope no good, lets go back to the bay...DAMN.....

 

"Ladies and Gentleman, your Captain speaking, most sincere apologies, we shall be returning to the bay to try and correct a small technical problem"

 

Onto engineering ... bzzz bzzz, bzz bzzz "Hello...yes me again...that damn TRU just tripped offline again.....what, powerdown/powerup.....your kidding, i got pax onboard, and its pitch black outside.....standby, I'll call you back."

 

"Cabin crew to the flight deck please"

 

Guys we got the TRU failure again, engineering wants us to try rebooting the aircraft. Can you collect some torches and stand evenly down the aisle, and turn the torches on, when the lights go out.

 

"BREAK THE CHAIN - BREAK THE CHAIN - BREAK THE CHAIN

 

What am I doing, what am I thinking, as I look across at the FO, and then look down the aisle at the cabin crew, making eye contact with each of them, they are all standing there looking back towards me as thoughts start ticking through my head......this is ridiculous, they are looking at me, looking for that leadership quality to decide what is best. They are a good crew, they are a tired crew. They are MY CREW.

 

Stuff this..... the weather is bad in Hong Kong, enroute doesnt look so flash, we are all getting fatigued, there is something actually wrong with the TRU1 and should the second TRU fail things wont be looking too good all..... how does this sound for a plan....we simply wait here for five minutes, then call engineering back and simply tell them the powerdown/powerup didnt clear it, then we go find a place to spend the night here in Changmai, and we'll just have to sort the problem out tommorow.

 

OK!

 

"Ladies and Gentleman, the Captain speaking....I sincerly apologize but I am afraid this aircraft has now suffered a technical problem that will be unable to be rectified until tommorow.........

 

Ok crew, lets pack this aircraft up, and go find a place to rest.

 

Walking away from the aircraft as we head towards the terminal I ask"How were the pax when they left?" - "Pretty darn upset!!!!! "

 

As I look back towards the aircraft, for a moment I'm sure, a dark shadowy figure, kicks the front tyre of the jet, and then evaporates into the murk......

 

 

[George]

THE END

 

The Ground Handling Agent meets us at the door, and guides us through customs and immigration.

 

She advises that the hotel has been booked, and she will arrange for a crew bus to pick us up outside of the terminal, but for some reason she has some final duties to complete, and is unable to walk us through the terminal....

 

The cabin crew, clear customs first, and the flight crew hang back to collect the last of our bags...

 

As we clear immigration, and come around the corner, the cabin crew ahead stop dead in their tracks, moaning under their breath subtle but audible expletives!!

 

75 very upset and angry passengers lay up ahead in wait for the the crew, clearly having come to their present state of mind, by being left for the past 6 hours at the airport, with no news, no information, no respite, and worst of all, no-one to talk to regarding the delayed flight back to hong kong, and now just having boarded the aircraft, only to disembark again, are extremely annoyed that they have no where to stay. They want someones head to roll!

 

Crew stay close, don't panic, don't say anything, leave all the talking to me....... as the crowed come rushing over "Excuse me, excuse me, captain george, george hello....george.."

 

The lights, the sounds, the images of the faces of the people at the wedding party, all come swimming into view, oi george, have you been listening at all to a word Ive said! "Hey what, Oh yes, sorry bout that....."

 

"Pilots, you are all the same, all you ever think about is flying!!!!!! So Boring!!!!!"

 

 

[George]

The engineers took 2 days to fix the aircraft.

 

The crew used that time to relax, ride the elephants, catch up on the sights, sounds and delicacies of Changmai......and last but not least, pay homage to the big temple on the hill that overlooks the airport.

 

 

http://www.chiangmai-chiangrai.com/wat- ... uthep.html

 

 

[George]

If any one has any questions, feel free to ask.

 

Lots of lessons to be learnt, and pass on.

 

 

[Guest Glenn]

Thank you for such a great read George. I'm sure someone will have a few questions for you

 

 

[Guest Xpat]

George

 

As an engineer I can appreciate your story and understand the philosophy behind it in breaking the chain as it appears all the holes in the cheese were starting to line up and as with the computer controlled aircraft there is not as much control as in the days of manual switching.

 

I hope all the aspiring, and pilots, as well as engineers take heed of the lesson you have tried to teach here. I for one do.