THE CAT & DUCK METHOD OF IFR FLYING

[Guest Glenn]

Today's flight age is an era highlighted with increasing emphasis

 

on safety. Instrumentation in the cockpit and in the traffic

 

control tower has reached new peaks of electronic perfection to

 

assist the pilot during take-offs , flight , and landings. For

 

whimsical contrast to these and other marvels of scientific

 

flight engineering , it is perhaps opportune to remind pilots of

 

the basic rules concerning the so-called Cat-and-Duck Method of

 

Flight , just in case something goes wrong with any of these new-

 

fangled flying instruments you find in today's aircraft.

 

Place a live cat on the cockpit floor. Because a cat always

 

remains upright , he or she can be used in lieu of a needle and

 

ball. Merely watch to see which way the cat leans to determine

 

if a wing is low and , if so , which one.

 

The duck is used for the instrument approach and landing.

 

Because any sensible duck will refuse to fly under instrument

 

conditions, it is only necessary to hurl your duck out of the

 

plane and follow her to the ground.

 

There are some limitations to the Cat-and-Duck Method, but

 

by rigidly adhering to the following check list , a degree of

 

success will be achieved.

 

1. Get a wide-awake cat. Most cats do not want to stand up

 

at all, at any time. It may be necessary to get a large fierce

 

dog in the cockpit to keep the cat at attention.

 

2. Make sure your cat is clean. Dirty cats will spend all

 

their time washing. Trying to follow a cat licking itself

 

usually results in a tight snap roll, followed by an inverted (or

 

flat) spin. You can see this is very unsanitary.

 

3. Old cats are best. Young cats have nine lives, but an

 

old used-up cat with only one life left has just as much to lose

 

an you do and will therefore be more dependable.

 

4. Beware of cowardly ducks. If the duck discovers that

 

you are using the cat to stay upright - or straight and level-

 

she will refuse to leave without the cat. Ducks are no better on

 

instruments than you are.

 

5. Be sure the duck has good eyesight. Nearsighted ducks

 

sometimes will go flogging off into the nearest hill. Very

 

short-sighted ducks will not realize they have been thrown out

 

and will descend to the ground in a sitting position. This

 

maneuver is quite difficult to follow in an airplane.

 

6. Use land-loving ducks. It is very discouraging to break

 

out and find yourself on final approach for some farm pond in

 

Iowa. Also, the farmers there suffer from temporary insanity

 

when chasing crows off their corn fields and will shoot anything

 

that flies.

 

7. Choose your duck carefully. It is easy to confuse ducks

 

with geese because many water birds look alike. While they are

 

very competent instrument flyers , geese seldom want to go in the

 

same direction you do. If your duck heads off for the Okefenokee

 

Swamp, you may be sure you have been given the goose.