You may be addicted to the Internet, if...

[Guest Thrasher]

You may be addicted to the Internet, if ...

 

You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

 

You wake up at 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

 

You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0 or higher."

 

You put down your internet address when filling out your driver's license application.

 

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

 

You laugh at people with 14.4K-baud modems.

 

You start using smileys in your snail mail.

 

The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.

 

You have engaged to someone you've never actually met except through e-mail.

 

You introduce your wife as "[email protected]" or husband as "[email protected]" and refer to your children as "client applications".

 

You name your children Mosaic, Java and Eudora.

 

You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap ... and your child in the overhead compartment.

 

Only communication in your household is through email.

 

You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.

 

All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...DSL...T1...T3.

 

And even your night dreams are in HTML.

 

You think Webster's Dictionary is a directory of Web sites.

 

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

 

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.

 

You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

 

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

 

You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa but haven't spoken to your next-door neighbor yet this year.

 

You refer to your age as 3.x.

 

You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

 

You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.

 

You really did ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

 

There is an I.V. stand next to your mini tower.

 

Choice between paying AOL bill and paying for kids education is easy -- if a little painful for your kids.

 

AT&T names you Customer of the Month for the third consecutive time.

 

Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.

 

You have to install a second phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

 

You hide the bill from the spouse because you may have to sell the family car to pay it.

 

Your wife drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

 

Batteries in the TV remote now last for months.

 

You hire a housekeeper for your home page.

 

New mail alarm on your palmtop annoys other churchgoers.

 

Your mouse-clicking forearm rivals Popeye's.

 

Your household pets mimic the soundblaster card for attention.

 

You unsuccessfully try to download a pizza from http://www.dominos.com.

 

You try to order a movie from Blockbuster video by downloading it at 44,000 BPS.

 

You get hundreds of comments posted for you at EBay.com.

 

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

 

You can't call your mother ... she doesn't have a modem.

 

You tell the taxi driver you live at http://1100.sunset.ave/mansion/brick.html

 

You're upset because an obituary fails to mention the deceased's new email address.

 

You try to pay the babysitter via electronic transfer or PayPal.

 

You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

 

When your car is crashing through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the Back button.

 

Your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.

 

You want to meet someone new and your first impulse is to turn on your computer.

 

You double click your TV remote

 

You forget that you don't have to use your keyboard when using your telephone.

 

You try to enter your password on the microwave.

 

You have more than 5 email addresses.

 

You set up a Web page for each of your kids.

 

Your dog has its own home page too.

 

You use more than 20 passwords.

 

Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

 

If you can write a list like this.

 

You come back and check this list every half-hour.