Some Funnies

[Guest Glenn]

A Plane was flying through the jungle when suddenly the engine stalled. The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land. Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire.

 

All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked, "What's this flier doing in my soup?"

 

[hr:1bqic6v7][/hr:1bqic6v7]

 

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BOOKED A CHEAP FLIGHT WHEN...

 

As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt.

 

The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys.

 

The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.

 

The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tyre wear

 

A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline's C.E.O.

 

A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion.

 

The air sickness bags have the Lord's Prayer printed on them.

 

Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.

 

A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.

 

A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.

 

[hr:1bqic6v7][/hr:1bqic6v7]

 

Q: What's a ghost's favourite airline?

 

A: British Scareways!

 

 

[Guest Chainsaw]

Right.

 

Has anybody got some funnies that actually match the subject of this tread? :roll:

 

 

[Guest g_i_jack029]

uh, ok

 

ATC: Juliet Alpha Kilo say altitude

 

Pilot (feeling frisky): altitude

 

ATC: JULIET ALPHA KILO SAY ALTITUDE!!!

 

Pilot: ALTITUDE!!!

 

ATC: Juliet alpha kilo say cancelling IFR

 

Pilot: 8000 feet

 

Problems and solutions

 

Problem: I suspect a problem with the pitot.

 

Soloution: Suspect your correct.

 

Problem: Evidence of hydrolic fluid leaking on left main landing gear

 

Solution: Evidence removed

 

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.

 

Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.

 

 

[Guest Chainsaw]

Right.Has anybody got some funnies that actually match the subject of this tread? :roll:

[Guest Glenn]

Well lets see you do better

 

 

[Guest g_i_jack029]

:(

 

 

[Nick]

Ok i'll try

 

The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation

 

1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.

 

2. Me? I've never busted minimums.

 

3. We will be on time, maybe even early.

 

4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.

 

5 .I have no interest in flying for the airlines.

 

6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.

 

7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.

 

8. I'm a member of the mile high club.

 

9. I only need glasses for reading.

 

10. I broke out right at minimums.

 

11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.

 

12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.

 

13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.

 

14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree & 3000 hours in a Lear.

 

15. We shipped the part yesterday.

 

16. I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.

 

17. All you have to do is follow the book.

 

18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.

 

19. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.

 

20. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.

 

21. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.

 

22. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.

 

23. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?

 

24. We'll be home by lunchtime.

 

25. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.

 

26. I'm always glad to see the FAA.

 

27. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.

 

28. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?

 

29. I thought YOU took care of that.

 

30. I've got the field in sight.

 

31. I've got the traffic in sight.

 

32. Of course I know where we are.

 

33. I'm SURE the gear was down

 

 

[Guest Glenn]

My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us. Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments. As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, “Uh-oh!â€

 

Fearing the worst, I asked, “What's wrong now?â€

 

George replied, “I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me.â€

 

 

[Guest Chainsaw]

I didn't know we had so many LAME's on this forum... :lol:

 

 

[Guest OzChris]

yeah - chainys avatar is funnier than these 'funnies' :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

 

[Guest Chainsaw]

yeah - chainys avatar is funnier than these 'funnies' :lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol: