Another War Story From My Mate In The Usa....

[Guest Michael Coates]

I have a cockpit mock-up in my house and when I mention to my girl friend that I miss flying, she puts me in the mock-up around bed time for 8 hours.

 

She has a chair in a closet, puts on the vacuum cleaner to simulate cockpit air noise, has a dim night-light to simulate cockpit lighting, serves lukewarm chicken with cold vegetables on a tray. When I get sleepy and attempt to doze off, she knocks twice loudly on the door to simulate the F/As entering the cockpit. Then after 6 hours she turns on a flood light directly in front of me to simulate the sun coming up when approaching 20 west. I then get a cup of coffee that has been in the coffeemaker all night. Finally she lets me out and I have to get in the back seat of her car while she runs morning errands to simulate the bus ride to the hotel.

 

When we get home I tell her I am ready for bed and the bedroom door is locked for an hour to simulate the hotel rooms not being ready. When I promise to never "complain" about being retired, I am allowed to enjoy my "layover" and finally go to bed.

 

Oh, and one more thing, she talks to her friends loudly outside the bedroom door to simulate the hotel maids chattering in the hall in their native language. After two hours of sleep she calls the phone next to the bed from her cell and says "This is crew scheduling, you are re-sked!!!, vee vill calla-you back vhen you have legal minimum rest." and "by the vay the company has filed for bankruptcy today"

 

Sleep tight, Honey.