An Old Drunk

[Guest thrasher]

An old drunk staggered through the bar, bumping into tables and

 

knocking drinks all over the place until the barman emerged to give him the old

 

heave-ho.

 

"Hang on mate," slurred the drunk, "I jus' wanna go ter th' toilet..."

 

The barman, being a bit of an old softie like most barmen in this

 

wicked world, gave the drunk a swift clip around the ear and shoved him in the

 

direction of the gents.

 

"Do what you have to do, and get out of here!" he snarled.

 

The drunk staggered through the door of the gents and the barman

 

returned to the bar and got on with his job of dispensing good cheer and

 

short-changing the punters.

 

About ten minutes or so later, the entire bar fell silent as a strange,

 

high-pitched wailing sound echoed round the room.

 

Real eerie, it was.

 

A short while later the sound was repeated. And again. It was a weird,

 

unearthly noise that seemed to be coming from the toilets.

 

The barman, suddenly remembering the old drunk, rushed off to

 

investigate.

 

He flung open the door. "What the hell's going on?" he shouted. "I told

 

you to do what you had to do, then get out of here!"

 

The drunk wailed again, an eerie, high-pitched sound that made the

 

hairs on the back of the barman's neck stand on end.

 

"Strewth! Will ya shut that row?" the barman demanded. "You're scaring

 

the customers! Stop that row and get out!"

 

The drunk looked up from where he was sitting, a pained expression on

 

his face.

 

"I'm trying to, mate. I'm trying to," he gasped. "But every time I step

 

on the pedal to flush this thing, there's something that grabs me by the

 

ba**s.."

 

"You dumb bastard!" shouted the barman. "You're sitting on the bloody

 

mop bucket!"