BRITISH H E A D L I N E S FROM THE YEAR 2 0 5 0

[planedriver]

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions.

 

White minorities still trying to have English recognised as the UK 's third language.

 

Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged.

 

Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a Burqa.

 

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct, and the scientific research fleet are unemployed.

 

UK Government has told the Japanese that Grey Squirrels taste like whale meat.

 

Britain now has ten Universities of Political Correctness.

 

Professor Goldman of LSPC says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

 

Britain's deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

 

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

 

Iran still isolated. Physicists estimate at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

 

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries.

 

No other country comes forward.

 

Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2052.

 

Post Office raises price of stamps to £19 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

 

After a ten-year, £75.8 billion study commissioned by the Labour Party, scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

 

Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.

 

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and human rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

 

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

 

New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2051 as lethal weapons.

 

Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.

 

Bradford win FA Cup Final, beating Hindu Hornets 4-1.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Would have been funny for non-cynicals I guess, but the rest of us see a documentry instead .....

 

 

[spacesailor]

seconded

 

Mohamib spacesailor

 

 

[rankamateur]

Japan will suspend the whaling fleet long before 2050 simply because the old Japanese who eat whale meat are dying out and the younger Japanese have a taste for beef(fatty as they like it) so the chilled whale meat stocks they have now would probrably see them out.

 

 

[cscotthendry]

US President Ruprecht Koch-Murdoch declares himself "President for Life" and in celebration reduces the corporate tax rate to minus 23%. Meanwhile, the amount that workers will now have to pay to retain their employment will be indexed to the CPI. Employers warned that unless The Employment Incentive Contribution, which currently stands at 59% of employee income, was raised, many jobs would be lost.

 

 

[Guernsey]

Glad I died before 2050, it's much better up here.

 

Alan.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Glad I died before 2050, it's much better up here.Alan.

Not having such a bad old time down here either.

 

 

[Gnarly Gnu]

Japan will suspend the whaling fleet long before 2050 simply because the old Japanese who eat whale meat are dying out and the younger Japanese have a taste for beef(fatty as they like it) so the chilled whale meat stocks they have now would probrably see them out.

That's sad, whales are real tasty... maybe they will whale-farm. Love to be able to walk into Maccas and grab a McWhale.

 

 

[Guernsey]

Not having such a bad old time down here either.

Agreed....but what about in 2050?

 

Looks a bit grim to me .

 

Alan.

 

 

[Yenn]

Greenpeace managed to get whaling stopped in 2018. Since then they have been campaining against farming sheep and cattle for meat, that is after their campaign against chicken, turkey and pig eat was succesful, in 2031.

 

 

[Zibi]

grab a McWhale.

I know most of Maccas customers are quite big, but you shouldn't grab them and it's really offensive to call them McWhale...