Another Irish ripper

[Jabiru Phil]

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

 

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, " Murphy , I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

 

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."

 

The priest said, "Well, Murphy , I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn 's hat. What changed your mind?"

 

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn 's hat after all."

 

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile & said;" After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh ?

 

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery ' I remembered where I left me hat."

 

 

[PA.]

One day Murphy goes into a pharmacy - reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

 

He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.

 

"Could you taste this for me, please?"

 

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

 

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Murphy.

 

"No, not at all," says the chemist.

 

"Oh that's a relief," says Murphy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."