Old Age Facts

[Guest john]

1. Do not resist growing old, many are denied the privilege.

 

2. Bill aged 80, & a deaf pensioner was told by the nurse at the Medical Clinic that the Doctor required a stool specimen, a urine specimen & a sperm specimen. Bill asked his wife who was sitting next to him, "Whats the nurse talking about?' Bills wife replied, "The nurse wants you to leave your underpants at the Medical Clinic".

 

3.Wilf aged 90, went to the Medical Clinic for his annual medical checkup so that he could renew his drivers licence. The Doctor told him that his hearing was rapidly deteriorating & therefore if he wanted his hearing to stabilise, he would have to give up drinking alcohol, smoking & sex. Wilf then said to the Doctor, "Just so I can hear better".

 

4. By the time you have reached the ripe old age of 75 you have learnt most things. All you then have to do is try & remember it.

 

 

[kaz3g]

1. Do not resist growing old, many are denied the privilege.....<snip>......

 

4. By the time you have reached the ripe old age of 75 you have learnt most things. All you then have to do is try & remember it.

Ripe OLD age? OLD? 75?

 

Cheeky bugger...mutter...mutter...m.

 

 

[ahlocks]

Up him for the rent Kaz!!

 

 

[Guernsey]

I am coming up to 75 and for your information I have a brilliant memory, the problem is that I keep losing it.

 

Fred...sorry, David no....Alan (that's it)

 

 

[DrZoos]

Here is one for you chronologically challenged individuals

 

BUNNINGS JOB APPLICATION ~ This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Burleigh Heads. They hired him because he was so funny.... NAME: Adam Landon Jones (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITON: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: $150,000 a year plus share options and a good redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITON HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PRFFERRPD HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here'? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE?: 12 Kms DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes. absolutely. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ After landing my new job as a Bunnings "Greeter" - a goodfind for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . . . . . About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids,yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Bunnings." I then said,"Nice children you have there. Are they twins?" The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "No, they ain't effin twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7, why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just effin stupid?" I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings." My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.... .

MAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm in tears!!!!

 

 

[DGL Fox]

Love it...