Phil Perry Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I was asked recently, how I would know if I was getting old, and I replied, "When my Son has a bald head. . . . " Phil 3
skeptic36 Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 I was asked recently, how I would know if I was getting old, and I replied,"When my Son has a bald head. . . . " Phil Bloody hell Phil, is that supposed to be funny? Don't you know there are bald headed sons of old people fleeing hairdresser shops as we speak, we should be giving them taxpayer funded wigs not persecuting them! 1
bexrbetter Posted January 3, 2014 Posted January 3, 2014 You're old when your fear to fart... Or you live in Sichuan Province, China, one of the World's most famous spicy food areas ....
facthunter Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 You can be 250% of your mother in law's age if you marry someone young enough. Nev
kgwilson Posted January 6, 2014 Posted January 6, 2014 This list covers just about everything I reckon. 1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. 2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. 3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere. 4. Your little black book contains only names that end in M.D. 5. Your children begin to look middle aged. 6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall. 7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet. 8. You look forward to a dull evening. 9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today." 10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. 11. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't. 14. You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course. 15. Your back goes out more than you do. 17. Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you see a pretty girl. 18. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your wife. 19. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. 20. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet. 21. You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise. 22. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. 23. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. 24. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 25. You buy a compass for the dash of your car. 26. You are proud of your lawn mower. 27. Your best friend is dating someone half his age...and isn't breaking any laws. 28. You call Olan Mills before they call you. 29. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 30. You sing along with the elevator music. 31. You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 32. You constantly talk about the price of petrol. 33. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 34. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life. 35. You make an appointment to see the dentist. 36. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 37. Neighbours borrow your tools. 38. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 39. You have a dream about prunes. 40. You answer a question with, "because I said so." 41. You send money to PBS. 42. The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 43. You take a metal detector to the beach. 44. You wear black socks with sandals. 45. You know what the word "equity" means. 46. You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV. 47. Your ears are hairier than your head. 48. You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 49. You got cable for the weather channel (sometimes referred to as "Old Folks MTV"). 50. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it. 51. When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you're down there. 1 2 2
keith.b Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 When you are filling out an on line form :- Under 'Date of Birth", click on the 'year' tab, and you have to scroll ALONG way down............ Watching the years flash before you eyes.... 3
PA. Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Like this Keith? MCMLX MCMLIX MCMLIIX MCMLVII MCMLVI MCMLV MCMLIV MCMLIIV MCMLII MCMLI MCML MCMXLIX 2
facthunter Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 Be proud of it. The others have yet to stay the course. Any way I know to avoid getting old has no future in it. Nev
bexrbetter Posted January 7, 2014 Posted January 7, 2014 3 more mature gents were talking amongst themselves, The 70 year old said "Darn, get up at 7 every morning and try to pee - stand there for 10 minutes for a result". The 75 year old replies "Worse, get up at 7 and go for number 2's and sit there for a good half hour for a result, eat bran, drink plenty of water but of little help". They turn to the 80 year old, "What about you Jack, how's age treating your systems"? .. Jack responds, "No problems at all, 7am on time every morning pee like a horse, 7.30 poo like a cow, just wish I didn't wake up at 8 ...." 2
Yenn Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Here's a question. my year of birth was 790, so when was I born? It is not Roman numerals.
Deskpilot Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Turned 72 yesterday and decided that age is like a push-bike. I has no reverse gear. BUGGER!!
fly_tornado Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants. At age 12, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having a drivers license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 35, success is having money. At age 50, success is having money. At age 60, success is having sex. At age 65, success is having a drivers license. At age 70, success is having friends. At age 75, success is not peeing in your pants. 3 1
Guernsey Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Wow that is a good one FT, I now know that I have had a very successful life and am not worried about getting old. Thanks. Alan.
Yenn Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Over 75 success is going to a funeral and coming back home afterwards. 3
DrZoos Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 When more then half the stuff in your shopping trolley is green, says high in fibre or for fast relief. But your a long time dead so enjoy the downhill slide more then the uphill battle
bexrbetter Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Over 75 success is going to a funeral and coming back home afterwards. Elderly lady at a funeral home was asked by the Director how old her deceased husband they were attending to that day was; "102" she replied. "Wow that was a good innings and how old are you dear"? "101" she responded. The Director says; "Well darling we have a spare room out back, no need traveling all the way back home! ..." 1
Russ Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 When you have to take half a Viagra tablet every morning so you don,t pee on your slippers.
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