Phil Perry Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? Oh, usually around20 kgs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? 'Are you sure it's mine?' What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo? An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe. 2 4 1
Marty_d Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I must be one of the "nearly", Phil. Wasn't offended in the slightest!
Phil Perry Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 I must be one of the "nearly", Phil. Wasn't offended in the slightest! Thank goodness for that Marty. . . . Wouldn't want to get banned for slightly bad humour. . . . . Mind you,. . . . . If people are easily offended, then why oh why do they bother reading this part of the forum I wonder. . . . . ( Masochism 'R' us )
Phil Perry Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 I deleted the one about the Indain Lady I saw on a bus,. . . . . Oh,. . .what the heck. . . . . I was sitting on an older style London Bus recently, you know the type, . . .the ones that have six rear seats facing each other,. . . . .I noticed this really nice looking Indian Lady with a red dot on her forehead. The trip lasted some twenty minutes and she didn't move. . . . .I was getting a bit concerned that she might actually be dead, so I moved across the bus and poked her gently on the shoulder. . . . . she suddenly became animated and was most indignant, . . . .I didn't realise at the time that the little red dot meant that she was just on standby. . . . . . . 4
Phil Perry Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Did the dot turn green? That I don't know mate, but I heard a terrible one this evening, about an English Gent with a parrot stuck to the top of his head. He went to see the doctor, who said, . . ." Geez mate,. . .how long have you had that. . .?" the Parrot replied,. . ."Well, it started as a wart on me bloody foot Doc. . . ." ( That one hurt. . .)
horsefeathers Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 A long suffering pirate had a dysfunctional parrot on his shoulder. The parrot kept saying "pieces of seven" "pieces of seven" "pieces of seven" The pirate explained that the bird had a parity error...... 3
bexrbetter Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I was sitting on an older style London Bus recently, you know the type, . . .the ones that have six rear seats facing each other,. . . . .I noticed this really nice looking Indian Lady with a red dot on her forehead. Was she facing the back of the bus? If so I'm guessing she was a Reversingh. Hmm maybe she was looking around a lot? She would be a Glansingh in that case. I'm very Sari for those jokes. I'll get my hat .....
Marty_d Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Oh my goodness gracious me Bex, you are a funny burgher! I laughed until my eyes swami. 1
Phil Perry Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Was she facing the back of the bus? If so I'm guessing she was a Reversingh.Hmm maybe she was looking around a lot? She would be a Glansingh in that case. I'm very Sari for those jokes. I'll get my hat ..... You ought to get TURbanned for that one Mark. . . . . 1
Kyle Communications Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I deleted the one about the Indain Lady I saw on a bus,. . . . .Oh,. . .what the heck. . . . . I was sitting on an older style London Bus recently, you know the type, . . .the ones that have six rear seats facing each other,. . . . .I noticed this really nice looking Indian Lady with a red dot on her forehead. The trip lasted some twenty minutes and she didn't move. . . . .I was getting a bit concerned that she might actually be dead, so I moved across the bus and poked her gently on the shoulder. . . . . she suddenly became animated and was most indignant, . . . .I didn't realise at the time that the little red dot meant that she was just on standby. . . . . . . No you got it wrong Phil Women have the red dot and men wear the turbans….do you know why though?
Kyle Communications Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Women are "push start" with the button Men are "pull start" with the wound up turban 1
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