From the BBC...

[Marty_d]

Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

 

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

 

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

 

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

 

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadis now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.

 

 

[johnm]

Marty - could the 'BOOM' employees consider 'job sharing - this might cut costs ?

 

 

[M61A1]

Not to mention, it is not clear whether or not all the virgins are female.

 

 

[planedriver]

Looks like a one-off oportunity to them, anyway

 

 

[Marty_d]

Not to mention, it is not clear whether or not all the virgins are female.

Wouldn't that be a nasty surprise.

 

Reminds me of the one about the bloke who goes to hell (not sure if this is already on this forum)...

 

Anyway he gets there and to his surprise, Satan is surprisingly friendly. He takes him around, gives him the guided tour.

 

"Do you like cocktails?" asks Satan.

 

"Er... sure!" says the guy.

 

"Oh, you're going to love it here. Every Monday is cocktail night. Top shelf, as much as you like, whatever you like. And the best thing is... no hangover!"

 

The bloke perks up a bit. This sounds good.

 

As they continue the tour, Satan asks "How about movies? Like them?"

 

"Yes, I love movies!" says the bloke.

 

"That's great!" says Satan. "Every Tuesday is movie night. HUGE 3D cinema, the best movies in the world, including ones made after the actor's deaths. Popcorn, beer, you name it."

 

The bloke is ecstatic.

 

"Hey, are you gay?" asks Satan.

 

"No!" says the bloke.

 

Satan shakes his head sadly. "Oh dear... you're gonna HATE Wednesdays..."

 

 

[Marty_d]

Marty - could the 'BOOM' employees consider 'job sharing - this might cut costs ?

Interesting concept John, not sure how you'd do suicide bombing part time though! Seems like an "all or nothing" gig.

 

Never really got the whole thing about virgins anyway. If you want to reward a bloke, give him someone with a bit of experience!