How to Give a Cat a Pill

[Old Koreelah]

How to Give a Cat a Pill

 

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left

 

arm as if holding a baby.

 

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s

 

mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding

 

pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

 

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.

 

Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,

 

holding rear paws tightly with left hand.

 

Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right

 

forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.

 

Call spouse in from the garden.

 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,

 

hold front and rear paws.

 

Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head

 

firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.

 

Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.

 

Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler

 

and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines

 

and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with

 

head just visible from below armpit.

 

Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with

 

pencil and blow down drinking straw

 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and

 

drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's

 

forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

 

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed.

 

Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard,

 

and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force

 

mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on

 

hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.

 

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect.

 

Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12. Call fire service to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the

 

tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into

 

fence while swerving to avoid cat.

 

Take last pill from foil wrap.

 

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little

 

*%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind

 

tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by

 

large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically

 

and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to A&E.

 

Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and

 

forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call

 

furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call

 

local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

How To Give A Dog A Pill

 

1. Wrap it in bacon.

 

2. Toss it in the air.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Yep, damn it's hard getting a cat to eat that asprin.

 

 

[airangel]

This so true, but I have found that surgically concealing the pill in a King George whiting fillet [$76 kg] works 2 out of 10 times.

 

 

[kgwilson]

This actually works.

 

 

 

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

 

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

 

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

 

4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this !

 

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'.

 

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

 

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

 

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

 

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

Yours Sincerely,

 

The Dog

 

 

[Keith Page]

Why bother giving a cat some pills, save your energy, they have 9 lives hence they have a life or two spare.

 

Regards

 

Keith Page.

 

 

[Teckair]

Why bother giving a cat some pills, save your energy, they have 9 lives hence they have a life or two spare.Regards

Keith Page.

If that doesn't work get a dog.

 

 

[Kyle Communications]

I have a .410 shotgun here at the farm....should be able to get that pill down its throat at least one last time.....feral cat of course

 

 

[Kyle Communications]

Another warm one up here today Richard

 

 

[Teckair]

Another warm one up here today Richard

Yep we are sitting inside with the air con going.

 

 

[Kyle Communications]

My mrs is upstairs in the aircon watching tv.....I am downstairs in the heat trying to install a two way radio in this new Kia....sweating my bum off

 

 

[Teckair]

My mrs is upstairs in the aircon watching tv.....I am downstairs in the heat trying to install a two way radio in this new Kia....sweating my bum off

That sounds like a lot of fun you need a fan for that, apparently it will be the same tomorrow, my back is sore so might be rain on the way.

 

 

[Kyle Communications]

I hope there is some rain my property is so dry and the cattle have got it so short it will need a lot

 

Will pop in and say hello next time we are up...maybe 3 to 4 weeks time...maybe the Savannh will be finished and I will fly in and say hello

 

 

[Admin]

Corrine and the kids had a great laugh with the OP...I can remember when our cat got into the open fireplace amongst all the ash, Felix is a black and white cat who turned out all black. So I was given the task of giving him a wash in the bath tub...BAD MISTAKE...should have thought about that toilet bowl idea above in post #4...many many bandages needed

 

 

[SDQDI]

Don't know whether this has been posted before

 

You can make a cat sound like a dog and a dog sound like a cat quiet easily,

 

First for the cat just pour 7-8 litres of unleaded fuel over him/her then light and listen as he goes "wooof" a quick cupful of same petrol will duplicate ie " woof woof"

 

For the dog it is a longer more complicated process you need to place the dog in a large chest freezer for 24hrs once fully frozen remove dog from freezer and run through a bandsaw dog will then go mmeeeeeeeeeoooooooooowwwwwwwwwww

 

 

[Teckair]

I hope there is some rain my property is so dry and the cattle have got it so short it will need a lotWill pop in and say hello next time we are up...maybe 3 to 4 weeks time...maybe the Savannh will be finished and I will fly in and say hello

Yes same deal here this must have been the driest wet season ever, JimG said he might do a trip up too.