Aviation Humour

[Guest thrasher]

Aviation Humour

 

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan).

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot)

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky. (From an old carrier sailor)

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------

 

Without ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

What is the one similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If either of them screws up, ...the pilot dies.

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

Never trade luck for skill.

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Uh oh!"

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we 've never left one up there!

 

------------------------------------------------------------

 

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries

 

--------------------------------------------------------

 

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

 

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; ...it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bugger down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

 

---------------------------------------------------------

 

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

 

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by its appearance - ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.