Fresh Sickipedia

[M61A1]

Let's spare a thought for the man who told his wife that he was going to China on the Malaysian plane and now can't leave his girlfriend's apartment

 

Obama has warned Russia there will be "consequences" for their actions in Crimea.

 

Namely:

 

1. Russia will get a little bigger.

 

2. America will look a bit daft.

 

The vicar looked at her then turned to me and said, "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

 

I said, "I do."

 

He looked her up and down again, then said to me, "I'll ask you one more time..."

 

I don't understand my girlfriend sometimes, I came home this evening to find this note on the fridge.

 

'It's not working. I'm sorry, but I've gone to stay at my parents house...'

 

I opened it, the light came on and the beer was still cold.

 

What the hell is she on about?!

 

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

 

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.

 

In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

 

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

 

A few moments later, a second text came in:

 

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".