Golf ?. . .Paedophiles ?. . . .Bed and Breakfast ? . . .

[Phil Perry]

A young, inexperieced lad was playing golf alone one lovely sunny morning. He set up the ball on the tee, but struck it too far off centre and it sped off sideways over the tree line to his left and disappeared. . . .he sighed.

 

He dug another ball out and set it up again and was just about to attempt another shot when a highly excited man ran across the course and yelled at him to stop.

 

The new arrival said "Geez maate,. . .did you just hit a ball a few minutes ago. . .?" the young golfer said,. . ."Yes,. . .Why ? "

 

The other guy says " well your ball went over the trees and hit a bus driver in the face and killed him instantly. . .. the bus swerved off the road and down the embankment in front of an intercity express train, the train is derailed and there's around one thousand four hundred dead. . . "

 

The young bloke puts his hands to his head and screams, " Oh my God. . . Oh my God. . . what can I do . . . ."

 

just then, the Golf Pro was walking past and he said, . . . .

 

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"No worries mate, . . . . just keep your thumbs in line along the shaft and you won't slice the ball. . . . . ."

 

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Two golfers playing a round, enjoying the weather when a funeral appears on the road at the bottom of the hill. The first golfer puts down his club, takes off his hat, bows his head and waits until the funeral has passed out of sight.

 

His buddy says. . ." That was a lovely gesture mate, what a really nice bloke you are. . . . "

 

The first golfer replaces his cap, picks up his wood, takes a perfect shot down the centre of the fairway and replies. . ."

 

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Well, . . . . . I was married to that lady for thirty five years,. . .it was the least I could do. . . . "

 

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A paedophile was walking through the dark forest late at night, holding hands with a little boy.

 

The little boy whimpers,. . ." Ooooh,. . .I don't like this. . . . . it's scary and creepy isn't it. . . ? "

 

The paedophile replies, . . . well, it's alright for you. . . . I've got to walk back on my OWN . . .! "

 

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After a really nice day out in Melbourne, I was getting a little tired, so I decided to try and find a place to stay for the night.

 

After a while I found this nice looking little corner place on the edge of the city and rang the doorbell.

 

An upstairs window opened and a lady stuck her head out and shouted " Whaddyer want . . .?". . . . .

 

I said " How much is it for bed and breakfast . . .? "

 

She said . . ." Thirty eight bucks fifty a night ".

 

I said, . . ."Er,. . .that sounds OK, . . .can I look round . .? "

 

She said. . . . .

 

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" You look ROUND enough to me already you fat pommie git. . . . ."

 

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[Deskpilot]

I don't appreciate the pedophile one

 

 

[metalman]

Yeh me neither,,,,should change it to muslim,,,,

 

 

[PA.]

Is this better?

 

The other night I meet a girl at a night club. We got on well so we went for a walk in the park. It was foggy and she said "I don't like this, it's scary and creepy." I replied "It's OK for you, I have to walk out of here on my own."

 

 

[facthunter]

Like they are 25 Kms out of town and SHE owns the car? Nev

 

 

[Phil Perry]

OK Guys. . . . .

 

That was arguably TOO Sickipedia. . . .

 

MR MOD . . . CAN YOU DELETE POST PLEASE. . . ( we need to maintain certain standards )

 

Thanks

 

Phil

 

 

[M61A1]

Is this better?The other night I meet a girl at a night club. We got on well so we went for a walk in the park. It was foggy and she said "I don't like this, it's scary and creepy." I replied "It's OK for you, I have to walk out of here on my own."

I've heard it as Ivan Milat going in the Belangalo State forest with a backpacker.

 

 

[Jabiru Phil]

Viewed a good golf skit on utube, would post if I knew how.

 

Any way it's a golfer playing in the final of the club championship. ( to do with ethics )

 

The match is all square. I hit off first on the 18th and drives to the middle of the fairway, my opponent hits his into the woods to the right. We look for his ball for 10 minutes without success. The opponent says to hit mine and if he doesn't find his, he will go back to the tee and play another ball. I hit a perfect second shot to within 10 ft of the pin. Just as it hit the green the opponent calls out "found it" and a ball come screaming out of the woods and lands 2 inches from the pin, a certain eagle.

 

The ethical question is..... Do I give the cheating b.....d back his ball, or keep quiet.

 

 

[metalman]

OK Guys. . . . .That was arguably TOO Sickipedia. . . .

 

MR MOD . . . CAN YOU DELETE POST PLEASE. . . ( we need to maintain certain standards )

 

Thanks

 

Phil

It apears your horrible sense of humour will follow you to the grave!

Matty

 

 

[David Isaac]

Ah Phil. You are always good for a laugh, but the Paedophile one is a bit close to the nerve here. But I think the mods are asleep, they only need to delete the bad one, the rest are great. LOL

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Don't let it put you off Phil, I enjoy your posts!