More weird humour from the Black COuntry. . . . .

[Phil Perry]

SCOTTISH WEDDING

 

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled....

 

"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

 

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

 

SEX

 

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore …... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

 

New Book

 

A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"

 

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

 

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

 

Poor Lance Armstrong -

 

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on drugs.

 

When I was on drugs, . . . . . . I couldn't even find my friggin bike.

 

Drive By

 

A guy broke into my apartment last week..

 

He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.

 

Now he drives by and keeps changing my channels . . . . . ..

 

Sick Barstard!!

 

The Agony of Ageing

 

On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.

 

I said to him, "You better get your hearing aid checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

 

SCAM

 

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite 18 Holes". Turns out it's about golf.

 

Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

 

Best Regards,

 

Charlie Sheen

 

So True

 

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself.

 

The Moral of the story:

 

In life, no one helps you once you've been f@#ked.

 

Pregnant Prostitute

 

Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"

 

"Bleedin' eck mate. . . . ,if you ate a tin of beans. . . . would you know which one made you fart?"

 

Sex Research (could be handy)

 

If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is a twosome, now I understand why they call you handsome!

 

EASYJET

 

Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.

 

The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?"

 

Paddy replies "How the hell do I know. . . . . . . ! It's your bloody plane. "

 

The meaning of life in 13 words……

 

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the f@*k happened. . . . ?”

 

 

[gareth lacey]

Love the meaning of life joke LOL

 

cheers gareth

 

PS have,nt heard :The Black Country (the Midlands ) for years

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Love the "New Book" one!

 

 

[Jabiru Phil]

Keep em coming Phil

 

Tick tick

 

 

[Marty_d]

I liked the Paddy one. Would have thought he'd be flying Ryanair though.