Good Old Irish Humour

[Guest john]

1. The Irish Blonde Bombshell with big knockers said to the saleslady: "Could I please try on that dress in the window"?. The saleslady replied: " I'd prefer that you use the dressing room".

 

2. Molly said to her intoxicated husband: "Is that you I hear spitting in the vase on the mantle piece?"

 

"No he replied, but I'm getting closer all the time".

 

3. Question: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?

 

Answer: A Bachelor.

 

4. Finnegan told his mate Paddy that his wife has a terrible habit of staying up until 2 o'clock each morning, & I can't break her out of this unusual habit. Paddy replied : "What on earth is she doing up at this ungodly time?" Finnegan responded by saying: "She's waiting for me to come home"

 

5. Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive.

 

6.Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks that he's very lucky because his wife makes him walk.

 

7.The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so much among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy component.

 

8. An American Lawyer asked Paddy, "Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?" Paddy replied: "Who told you that"?

 

9.The definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his lovely wife for 25 years, but he will kill any man who does.

 

10. Question : Why are Irish jokes so simple?

 

Answer: So that the pommies can understand them.

 

11.Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out with a NOT GUILTY verdict.

 

"Thats Grand" shouted Reilly, "Does that mean I can now keep the money?"

 

 

[PA.]

Three Irishmen walk into a bar

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Three Irishmen walk into a bar

Ouch!

 

 

[Stoney]

Three Irishmen walk into a bar

Maybe there was a sign outside saying "Tree fellers wanted".