Baked Beans

[red750]

One day a man, who loved baked beans more than anything else, met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that he would marry, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

 

Some months later, on his birthday, his car broke down on the way home from work. Since he lived in the countryside… he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk home. On the way, ...he passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than he could stand. With miles to walk, he figured that he would walk off any ill effects by the time he reached home, so he stopped at the diner… and before he knew it, he consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, he made sure that he released all the gas.

 

Upon his arrival, his wife seemed excited to see! Him and exclaimed delightedly: “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”

 

She then blindfolded him and led him to the chair at the dinner table. He took a seat and just as she was about to remove his blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call.

 

The baked beans he had consumed were still affecting him and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while his wife was out of the room he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. He took his napkin from his lap and fanned the air around him vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

 

Keeping his ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, he went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

 

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of his freedom, he quickly fanned the air a few more times with the napkin, placed it on his lap and folded hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with himself. His face was like that of innocence child when his wife returned, apologizing for taking so long.

 

She asked him if he had peeked through the blindfold, and he assured her he had not.

 

At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: “Happy Birthday!”

 

And he FAINTed!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

[Jaba-who]

That's like the guy who was on the bus and had a very bad case of gas that had to be released. Fortunately the music was quite loud and he figured if he timed the gaseous release action to coincide with the loudest beats of the rock song he'd no doubt go unheard.

 

He ripped forth and everyone turned to look at him.

 

That's when he remembered he was listening to his iPod!!

 

 

[Guernsey]

In Guernsey where I come from, we always reffered to baked beans as ' musical fruit '

 

Alan.

 

 

[Doug Evans]

Bake bean & curried egg Good brew