The State we are in

[kgwilson]

New South Wales

 

A senior citizen drove his brand new Holden Senator out of the dealership Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 120 kph, enjoying the power of the car ..

 

“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down the F3, pushing the pedal even more.

 

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a highway patrol car, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 140 kph, then 180kph, then suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the copper’s arrival.

 

 

 

Pulling in behind him, the copper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the car. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”

 

 

 

The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.”

 

 

 

“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the copper.

 

Queensland

 

 

The owner of a golf course on the Gold Coast was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

 

He called her into his office and said, “You graduated from the University of Queensland and I need some help. If I was to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

 

 

 

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

 

Tasmania

 

A senior citizen in Tasmania was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be here.”

 

 

 

When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Tasmania ‘cause everything happens inTasmania 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

 

Northern Territory

 

 

The young man from NT came running into the store and said to his mate, “Johnno, somebody just stole your ute from the parking lot!”

 

 

 

Johnno replied, “Did ya see who it was?”

 

 

 

The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

 

Western Australia

 

 

A WA highway patrol pulled over a car on the main road. The copper asked, “Got any ID?”

 

 

 

The driver replied, “about what?”

 

Victoria

 

The copper pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his ute into the ditch. The copper asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”

 

 

 

“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”

 

 

[PA.]

Typical, no ones gives a toss about South Australia.

 

 

[SDQDI]

Typical, no ones gives a toss about South Australia.

What do you mean he mentioned tassie isn't it the same???

 

 

[facthunter]

Yeah. Tassie is further south than SOUTH Australia. Most of the states have LOUSY names. Nev

 

 

[M61A1]

That first one's a bit of a stretch, pensioners in Holden Senators DO NOT drive at 120kph. In fact I've never seen one do over 75 kph.

 

 

[facthunter]

Extenuating circumstances . Nev

 

 

[M61A1]

Extenuating circumstances . Nev

In extenuating circumstances, Holden Senator drivers call an ambulance.

 

 

[Gnarly Gnu]

Typical, no ones gives a toss about South Australia.

Me neither and I live here...

 

 

[Marty_d]

Me neither and I live here...

But there's so much to like about Adelaide! Take the tram down to Glenelg, have a beer at the Grand, have tea at the brilliant restaurants in Gouger street, stroll along Rundle Mall, admire the architecture... and if that's not enough, there's always Hindley St!

 

 

[facthunter]

Pie floaters, and if you are gay go for a walk in the park, for a bit of excitement.. Nev

 

 

[Deskpilot]

Pie floaters, and if you are gay go for a walk in the park, for a bit of excitement.. Nev

OOOO! Talking from experience Nev

 

 

[Marty_d]

Pie floaters, and if you are gay go for a walk in the park, for a bit of excitement.. Nev

I heard a radio program about how the Adelaide cops used to bash gay blokes and throw them in the river. Actually drowned one man. Mind you there's been dodgy cops in every state, probably still are but you'd hope they've got rid of the worst types (and attitudes) by now.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Mind you there's been dodgy cops in every state, probably still are but you'd hope they've got rid of the worst types (and attitudes) by now.

Nope, I think there's still some Gays left.

 

 

[Gibbo]

I Wouldn't bag SA either. To many serial killers.

 

 

[Gnarly Gnu]

It's tottering on the verge of bankruptcy. I suspect even the resident serial killers may head interstate soon.... it's Detroit with speed cameras, baby.

 

 

[Marty_d]

I blame West End Draught. I mean, if you're going to take urine from diseased camels, stick it in bottles and try to sell it as beer, your state's reputation is bound to take a hit.

 

 

[Stoney]

I Wouldn't bag SA either. To many serial killers.

Are you talking about the bloke who strangled 16 weetbix?

 

 

[Marty_d]

No, the bloke who drowned a whole bowl of Rice Bubbles. There must have been hundreds of them. Oh, the humanity!

 

 

[Bryon]

How many years porridge did he get?.........

 

 

[planedriver]

That first one's a bit of a stretch, pensioners in Holden Senators DO NOT drive at 120kph. In fact I've never seen one do over 75 kph.

That may be so M61A1, but I know a bloke with a chipped Maxima who blew-away a Commodore that that was sitting annoyingly on his ar*e, only to find that the other car had blue and red flashing lights fitted as optional extra's:crying:

 

 

[AVOCET]

Typical, no ones gives a toss about South Australia.

True Story :

 

1993 ide just pick up a new XR6 from ford , and driving it home for the first time , i naturally floored it to see what the note of exhaust sounded like , next thing , flashing blue lights , pulled over , i sat there silent and sweating , and the officer piped up and said ; no worries , just wanted a closer look at those new headlights !

 

Mike .

 

 

[planedriver]

True Story :1993 ide just pick up a new XR6 from ford , and driving it home for the first time , i naturally floored it to see what the note of exhaust sounded like , next thing , flashing blue lights , pulled over , i sat there silent and sweating , and the officer piped up and said ; no worries , just wanted a closer look at those new headlights !

Mike .

Half your luck!

I was lucky too ( after having a chat with him about some driving experience i'd had at The Metropolitan Police Driving School about half a century ago in the UK), he said, that thing has ball*) take it easy, or i'll show you how to thin your pension wallet quick-smart"

 

Thank God he was an older bloke!

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Half your luck!

Meh, at least 5 times now here the Cops take my licence and registration, walk a couple of meters away and mumble to each other "How do we book a Foreigner?" (they don't realise I understand them!).

 

They then come back and say in Chinglish sternly; "no fast!" and let me go!

 

 

[M61A1]

That may be so M61A1, but I know a bloke with a chipped Maxima who blew-away a Commodore that that was sitting annoyingly on his ar*e, only to find that the other car had blue and red flashing lights fitted as optional extra's:crying:

That's not the first time I've heard of driver's being goaded into doing something then fined. Happens frequently with motorcycles on the Numinbah valley road I've heard.