Bells

[skeptic36]

 

 

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young

 

'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

 

 

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot

 

and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached

 

them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,

 

which rooster was performing.

 

 

 

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by

 

just listening to the bells.

 

 

 

Fred's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but

 

this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

 

 

 

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy

 

chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the

 

roosters coming, would run for cover.

 

 

 

To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

 

 

 

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

 

 

 

Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City

 

Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

 

 

 

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell

 

Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

 

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a

 

politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards

 

on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting

 

populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

 

 

 

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

 

 

[PA.]

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks badly. So, he goes down the road to the next farm and asks if they have a rooster that they would sell.

 

The other farmer says, 'Yes, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you've got, no problem.' Trouble is, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the Farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

 

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the rooster a pep talk. 'I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.

 

Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun,' the farmer said, with a chuckle.

 

Kenny seems to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house - three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.

 

After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there.

 

Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! - All the geese get it.

 

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the night. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air with Buzzards circling overhead.

 

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, 'Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.'

 

Kenny slowly opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky above and says, 'Shut it, you're scarin the fanny away.