Chasing better spelling...

[Oscar]

If you are writing a sign, you might want to consider this: 'Would my 'Fish-And-Chips' sign have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before 'Fish', and between Fish and 'And', and 'And' and 'Chips' and also after 'Chips'?'

 

 

[Thirsty]

This was posted in the funnies section a while ago. It explains what a dangling participle is at the end. My wife and I had to watch that bit several times before we got it.

 

 

 

[Soleair]

Language is very flexible. It can describe the most subtle of nuances or the most basic facts.

 

As such everybody can communicate, but some will do so more clearly or fully.

 

Rogue apostrophes piss me off, though.

 

Bruce

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Try punctuating the following. It can be done, in perfectly good English:

 

John where hadad had had had had had had had had had had had a better response from the English teacher.

 

 

[Oscar]

Try punctuating the following. It can be done, in perfectly good English:John where hadad had had had had had had had had had had had a better response from the English teacher.

John, where hadad had had 'had', had had 'had had'; 'had had' had had a better response from the English teacher.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Well done Oscar. Should be a capital for Hadad but we'll give you 9 1/2 out of ten at least.

 

 

[Oscar]

Thanks, PM - I was on my first cup of morning coffee and the cold start kit is struggling in the temps. down here...

 

 

[Yenn]

Amazing what can be understood, even if it is well garbled. It is possible to jumble up the letters in words, so long as the first and last are correct and it will usually be understandable.

 

 

[Harv]

Normally, I wouldn't bite. Ok, I think it would do you good to note that even the true linguistic experts of this world say no to zero tolerance on grammar and spelling errors. Enjoy what everyone who attempts the English language brings to it - it has travelled a long road with no end in sight. To whine publicly just seems so arrogant... Or, perhaps ignorant is a better descriptor.

 

 

[Marty_d]

To whine publicly just seems so arrogant... Or, perhaps ignorant

And yet, you just did.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Poor sentence construction too.

 

 

[rtfm]

Hi,

 

I have LONG given up even getting irritated by bad spelling/grammar. It is a fact of life that an alarming proportion of folks either don't know how to spell or how to punctuate correctly, or don't care either way. I suspect they just don't know the difference. Homophones seem beyond the scope of most people. And some remarkably intelligent people, too.

 

I used to think this deficit was the sole province of Americans. But not so. Yes, they DO feature prominently in online posts guilty as charged, but Australians do little better. Neither do Britons or New Zealanders, all of whom would cite English as their native tongue. South Africans can (almost) be excused, because English isn't the 1st language of many. But bad spelling/grammar is the ongoing tribulation of those who know better,

 

As an aside, the best English I have ever read online was from the keyboard of Orion (Bill Husa) - a Pole, living in America, till his untimely passing recently. Another master of the written word (and this time with a flair for the dramatic and the colourful) is John McGinnis who combines engineering expertise with a fine and innovative command of the written word. His writing reads like a well crafted novel.

 

Duncan

 

 

[pmccarthy]

I don't know how those homophone people got my number.

 

 

[coljones]

Normally, I wouldn't bite. Ok, I think it would do you good to note that even the true linguistic experts of this world say no to zero tolerance on grammar and spelling errors. Enjoy what everyone who attempts the English language brings to it - it has travelled a long road with no end in sight. To whine publicly just seems so arrogant... Or, perhaps ignorant is a better descriptor.

Physics or maths are absolutes. Spelling and grammar are not, they are merely the reflection of common useage. In the case of spelling, in a lot of cases, the lexicon builders, writers and royalty got it wrong, recording their prejudices rather than clear logical thought. In the case of loan words from Latin, Greek and French (which then became part of our language) these old prejudices have attempted to impose cute rules from dead languages, like platypii rather than platypusses. The Romanii wouldn't know a Platypus if it bit them on the bum

 

 

[rtfm]

Ha ha. And yet you write with a fine precision of expression. Nuff said...

 

Although an argument can probably be made that our understanding of maths and physics is, in fact, limited. Some very basic premises have been successfully challenged in both of these disciplines in recent years. And if you ask me for a citation, I will have to decline the offer, because I can remember the generalities, but not the specifics.

 

The fact is that grammar (while attempting to describe the moving target of an evolving language) is pretty damn clear for the most part. We're not talking about the bleeding edge of grammatical evolution here... We're talking about the here vs hear, the to vs too, and the they're/there/their's of the world. These are basic building blocks of our language. Things we would expect most English speaking people to know.

 

Duncan

 

 

[red750]

Don't mention Americans, with all due respect. First they change the spelling to suit themselves (centre to center, litre to liter, theatre to theater, gaol to jail, etc.), hold televised spelling competitions like sporting events, then mispronounce words (aluminium - alyou-miny-um as aloom-inum).

 

 

[coljones]

Don't mention Americans, with all due respect. First they change the spelling to suit themselves (centre to center, litre to liter, theatre to theater, gaol to jail, etc.), hold televised spelling competitions like sporting events, then mispronounce words (aluminium - alyou-miny-um as aloom-inum).

No one person owns English - everyone owns English. Who is the final arbiter of correct spelling. A case in point is that "Litre" is a French word. "Liter" is an English word to some people who can't understand why we should allow the French to control the spelling of an English word. Of course I am nitpicking - I like the spelling of "Programme" but recognise that it has affectations not present in "Program".

I am opposed to silly notions like spelling contests. I am not sure what the purpose it actually serves but I am sure that they don't produce better engineers and scientists. I suppose (spose) it keeps people like Bob Carr happy, for some reason.

 

 

[Old Koreelah]

Don't mention Americans, with all due respect. First they change the spelling to suit themselves (centre to center, litre to liter, theatre to theater, gaol to jail, etc.), hold televised spelling competitions like sporting events, then mispronounce words (aluminium - alyou-miny-um as aloom-inum).

As much as the creeping Americanisation of our culture grates on me Peter, I must admit many of their spelling reforms make sense; and some are actually closer to the original spelling than current British English. Linguists tell us that the Founding Fathers brought an earlier version of the language to the USA and refined it's spelling and pronunciation, while back home the English imported some fancy- but incomprehensible- French influences that stuffed up quite a lot of spelling and grammar.

 

 

[Marty_d]

The Romanii wouldn't know a Platypus if it bit them on the bum

However if it was a Greek bum that felt the bill, he might think it was a Platopus...

 

 

[Marty_d]

imported some fancy- but incomprehensible- French influences that stuffed up quite a lot of spelling and grammar.

French is actually the origin of a large segment of our language. Most words ending in -ion, -ent, -ant are French. In fact in some ways it's a lot simpler than English... there's only one way to express the present tense, eg "I go" (j'vais) - where in English you can have "I go", "I am going", "I do go".

 

(This knowledge comes from the Michel Thomas Learning French CD set. Michel spends quite a lot of time berating his two students - "There is no 'am-ing', 'is-ing' or 'are-ing'!")

 

 

[Soleair]

Another master of the written word (and this time with a flair for the dramatic and the colourful) is John McGinnis who combines engineering expertise with a fine and innovative command of the written word.

I'm enjoying your observations, and your prose, Duncan.

 

Any danger of a link to some of Mr McGinnis' work?

 

Bruce

 

 

[coljones]

 

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

 

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

 

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

 

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

 

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

 

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

 

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

 

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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

 

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

 

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

 

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

 

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

 

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

 

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

 

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

 

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

 

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

 

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

 

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

 

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

 

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

 

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

 

God Save the Queen!

 

PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

 

 

[Old Koreelah]

...enough reason alone for John Cleese to be knighted

 

 

[flyerme]

Ok I probably should defend myself here! Although it's nice of you guys to discuss my grammer ... I am neither ignorant nor lazy. I use a spell checker !,but it does not help my punctuation etc..I was not pushed to do school work and with ADHD I was unable to concentrate at school. I left when I was 14 to undergo an apprenticeship as a jockey ,later at age 18 I went on to complete another apprenticeship in automotive mechanical engineering.I then went on to run my own business, mechanical , then bobcat and tipper service, ending up working for power networks Australia.in all that time it was never pointed out to me nor did I have any real need to better my spelling. Then as the times changed I started writing books and found quickly my lack of spelling and punctuation . I started with a spell checker that simply highlighted a mistake so I would google the correct spelling ( I still do sometimes) and still miss a lot ,but I'm learning.

 

So feel free to judge us " lazy ignorant " spellers with bad grammer (note: grammer comes up highlighted spelt wrong- google search proves otherwise ?) but were - I mean we're trying .

 

 

[rgmwa]

There are many ways to get the message across Flyerme, and you do a great job. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading about your adventures. It would be a boring place if we were all perfect in everything - in fact there'd be no point in having a forum if we were.

 

rgmwa