Poetry by Phillip Adams

[Marty_d]

I heard this on Late Night Live the other night and thought it had merit!

 

 

I love this bloody country

 

this land of booze and honey

 

of Opera House and Harbour Bridge

 

of shearing shed ’n’ dunny

 

I love this bloody country

 

where the sea is full of sharks

 

where there’s redbacks on the toilet seat

 

where your car gets booked by narks

 

I love our bloody country

 

this island Gert by sea

 

of rabbit, snake and cane toad

 

and the eucalyptic tree

 

Where your pollies are all ratbags

 

either that or on the take

 

where it’s hard to tell the difference

 

between reality and Rake

 

Where your team gets trounced each Saturday

 

and your pub runs out of beer

 

where you’re bank-robbed by the CBA

 

and nagged by Germaine Greer

 

I love this bloody country

 

of drought and flood and fire

 

with asylum seekers welcomed

 

with lots of razor wire

 

Where bigotry is Brandis’d,

 

and tolerance? A mockery,

 

thanks to ranting, raving racists

 

in the ranks of our shock-jockery

 

I love this bloody country

 

this land we call Australia

 

which has an awful anthem

 

coz Australia rhymes with failure

 

Australian stories end in woe

 

Or in acute embarrassment

 

like Gallipoli and Burke & Wills

 

and Rolf’s revolting harassment

 

(Another woeful ending’s

 

in our national song

 

when a suicidal swaggie

 

drowns in a billabong.)

 

I love this bloody country

 

where nothing could be finer

 

than to have the place exported

 

by some rapacious miner

 

Our commonwealth of minerals

 

by legislative stealth

 

goes to Clives and Ginas

 

to create uncommon wealth

 

And while Gina counts her billions

 

we must count the cost

 

in budget cuts to everything

 

because of taxes lost

 

Once Australian megawealth

 

was the gift of the merino

 

now it comes from human sheep

 

fleeced in James’ casino

 

Why salute the Union Jack

 

on our patriotic rag?

 

a Dickies towel or galvo sheet

 

would make a prouder flag

 

(The Queen’s a nice old lady

 

but it’s really time to ditch her

 

– better that our head of state

 

was someone like Lowitja.)

 

I love this bloody country

 

where all our famous brands

 

from Vegemite to Qantas

 

are flogged to foreign lands

 

And where our trad Australian slang

 

(drongo, dinky-di ’n’ dingo)

 

is forgotten in the rush

 

to Coca-culture lingo

 

I love this bloody country

 

it really could be worse

 

when this ancient columnist

 

goes from bad to verse