More old one-liners . . . . .

[Phil Perry]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.

 

So I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

 

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The wife suggested I get myself one of those manhood enlargers, so I did.......

 

she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

 

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Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.

 

It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

 

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The thing I love most about hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.... although, they do make me look a bit gay.

 

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Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at a local Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

 

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Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though, It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Chips, the lot.."

 

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Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ?

 

17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."

 

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The queen says she doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at her Christmas celebrations. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.

 

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The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

 

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Some barstard stole a pair of my wife's knickers off the backyard washing line.

 

She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 clothes pegs back.

 

 

[RKW]

PHIL, you never let us down!

 

 

[bexrbetter]

'oldens but boldens.