American . . . . . but still makes you wonder. . .

[Phil Perry]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.

 

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

 

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

 

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

 

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $7,000.

 

That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

 

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

 

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?

 

"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

 

"Done!" replies the government official.

 

And that, my friends, is why Government contracts cost so much !.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Sorry, but I'm pretty annoyed about Government Defence spending in the UK,.. yes, the above joke is quite funny, but it comes from a friend of mine who is equally pi$$ed off about the way money is funnelled away into various pockets in the USA too.

 

Typical example,. . . .the British Army needed some smallish, nimble, manouvreable vehicles to quickly respond to a call and pull three or four patrol soldiers out of trouble in various parts of Iraq. . . . . they got a bunch of "Snatch Landrovers". . . . . ? what ?. . . . no armour plating, . . . nothing. these vehicles were totally wrong for the job, and many British solders were killed due to the fact that there was no protective armour fitted to the vehicles,. . .a standard 7.62mm rifle bullet passed thru the side panels like bacofoil. . . .. roadside bombs just vapourised the effing things. Cost to the UK exchequer ? you wouldn't believe me if I told you what I'd heard.

 

Combat communication radios . . . .? laugh a minute,. . . the radios supplied were UHF for God's sake, incapable of more than a couple of miles range over FLAT ground, and most were supplied with incorrect programming so that they couldn't communicate with the forward firebase, nor the air support helicopters, nor talk to each other most of the time anyway. . . . . . Cost ?? Don't ask, suffice to say, you could have done better using walkie talkies from Tandy electronics. . . .

 

Boots ? . . . army boots ( Designed for war situations in Eatern Europe ) were supplied the soles of which melted in ambient temperatures exceeding 30 degrees C,. . . . . . .helloooooooo, in Iraq, the ground temperature regularly exceeded 45 deg C,. . . . . oops. . . . cost ? don't ask. . . . but you wouldn't want to pay for a pair in K-Mart. . . . . .

 

Firearms. . .The SA 80 rifle,. . . . . . brilliant,. . . .this thing was made with a plastic frame and stock,. . . . .guess what happened in high temperatures, ?? you guessed. the plastic distorted in the heat and the bloody things jammed. they were re-engineered twice but still found to be less than useless, AND using a NATO calibre of 5.56mm, you couldn't use any ammunition you captured from the !"Bad Guys" cos that was AK-47 - stuff,. ie 7.62mm. Brilliant forward planning. . . . .what sort of Knobheads they employ at the Ministry of Defence I do not know, . . .nor do I know where they recruit these people, but you can guarantee, that they are on godsquillion pounds a year salaries, NEVER put their lives on the line, and NOBODY ever takes responsibility for ANYTHING which goes wrong as a result of their inadequacies.

 

Rant over ( for now ) and I can't blame Australian wine this time . . .( this CAVA is made by the bloody Frogs I think. . .hic. . .)

 

 

[SDQDI]

Hijacking your own thread Phil?

 

Trouble is it's sad but true

 

 

[nomadpete]

Yeah, Phil, I thought you were going to tell us something funny! But government spending has never been funny (even when it looks like a joke)

 

 

[Yenn]

As an ex British serviceman I can see that there has been no improvement since I was demobbed in 1956. Our gear used to be specially designed that it did not do the job and was uncomfortable to wear and needed a lot of maintenance. Aussies are catered for a bit better, but it has to be US so the costs are built in.

 

 

[facthunter]

We have a thing called a "bushman" Nothing to do with George "W". Phil perhaps that 'stuff" was meant to fall into enemy hands and do maximum damage that way. A recall a certain thing called a "Wellbike" made in WW2. Look it up It's GRIM. You could walk over the land better. Perhaps it was meant to be chucked out of the plane and it might land on some Jerry's head. Nev

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Yes,. . . indeed,. . . . lost my rag there a bit, . . .sorry chaps,. . .I have a lot of friends who have served in the armed forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the stories are all the same. Whn someone tries to blow the whistle, they get shouted down and discredited, but I think we all understand the basic truths, even if we don't know all the details,. . . . .I still know an ex military bloke who insists he will shoot a certain ex british leader if he ever gets a quarter of a chance ! ! ! !

 

If it's the bloke I'm thinking about,. . .he'll be a few hundred metres behind ME.

 

Got to shut up now, otherwise I'll get a visit from the spooks at GCHQ. . . . ( Oops, shouldn't have mentioned that,. . . .now I'll get monitored.. . . . . . If you don't get a post from me soon, you'll know I'm in a dungeon somewhere. . . . . . )

 

 

[facthunter]

Military Intelligence can be the biggest oxymoron around. I used to think an oxymoron was a crook welder.. Nev

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Hijacking your own thread Phil?Trouble is it's sad but true

What's that nice looking plane in your avatar mate ? Is this the AAK Hornet ? never heard of that,. . .looks a bit reminiscent of the DORNIER 27, same front grille, maybe a bit smaller in height ABGL . . .nice looking thing though. . . . I LIKE things which fly S l o w l y . . . . . and what does the term " S T O L" mean, ?? S eriously T enuous O perational L imitations ? ? ? Surely Not ? ? ? ? ?

 

Phil

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Military Intelligence can be the biggest oxymoron around. I used to think an oxymoron was a crook welder.. Nev

Nah,. . . . for a good Oxymoron, surely we need a L E V E L playing field ?

 

 

[facthunter]

If you are in the AIR you should be going SOMEWHERE. Fast is never fast enough if you are going places. Slow planes are only for slow thinkers ONLY when there are NO gusts or thermals. Fly at Dawn and Evenings when the air is gentle and there is also no-one around to help you get it in and out of the hangar. Nev

 

 

[Phil Perry]

When I'm in the air, I'm not always going anywhere,. . . . .it's just nice to be just. . . .up in the air sometimes,. . . . . I flew an MW6 recently, this is a 2 stroke powered stick insect aircraft with a stalling speed of 38 MPH, ( I'll let you convert to knots or Km/hr) the wind speed at 1000ft agl was nearly 40 mph, so it was quite easy to allow the aircraft to fly backwards, ( with reference to the ground of course ) and when I'm doing a banner towing excercise, for Judy and Jim's wedding party ( or whatever ) I find that flying slowly nowhere,. . . . creates a much more desireable impression than whizzing over the reception at 150 Kts with a banner nailed behind the RV6. . . . . .

 

Otherwise,. . . .for the FIRST TIME EVER,. . . I may well have misunderstood the cut and thrust of your post in the current context Nev. . . . . .

 

Anyway, . . . it's OK for you off - worlders, but over here, it's twenty two minutes past two in the morning, and being retired, I have to get up at around noon tomorrow, so I'm going to bed.

 

Goodnight all, sleep tight.

 

Phil

 

 

[dazza 38]

When I first joined the RAAF I was trained on the SLR 7.62 mm but the girls had alot of trouble cocking the weapon and picking it up due to weight, let alone firing it. Then we ended up with the crap Austeyr F88 what a piece of $hit. But being a toy gun in 5.56 and made of polymer the girls could use it and fire it.

 

Very similar to the UK crappy SA80.

 

 

[Geoff13]

We have a thing called a "bushman" Nothing to do with George "W". Phil perhaps that 'stuff" was meant to fall into enemy hands and do maximum damage that way. A recall a certain thing called a "Wellbike" made in WW2. Look it up It's GRIM. You could walk over the land better. Perhaps it was meant to be chucked out of the plane and it might land on some Jerry's head. Nev

It is actually called a Bushmaster, and a very effective piece of equipment it is as well. Saved my sons life and several of his mates. It like in all Armoured vehicles however is advisable to keep your large pack between your feet and the floor to protect your ankles and shins when the bang happens. Luckily my son had his feet on a soft pack. He must have listened to me the day I told him that. They where just being introduced when I pull the pin.

 

Cheers Geoff13

 

 

[SDQDI]

If you are in the AIR you should be going SOMEWHERE. Fast is never fast enough if you are going places. Slow planes are only for slow thinkers ONLY when there are NO gusts or thermals. Fly at Dawn and Evenings when the air is gentle and there is also no-one around to help you get it in and out of the hangar. Nev

I resemble that remark.... And I wish you had typed it slower so I could read it all..

But I do hope the "slow planes are only for slow thinkers" was tongue in cheek:see no evil:

 

My favourite form of flying is just moping around with nowhere in particular in mind, circling around this ridge or that interesting thing down there. Which I guess helps when I take my young daughter as she always wants to have another look at that small tractor or that mob of cows or that windmill or that mob of cockatoos, it's the most relaxed form of flying there is. I still do straight trips but my hornet isn't exactly built for fast cross country and it does give me time to think about things before I get there. But..... But....... Oh I guess it doesn't matter lol this thinking what to write is giving me a headache.

 

 

[facthunter]

The slow planes for slow thinkers was well qualified So please don't quote it alone. Perhaps I should have used the word, relaxed.. Nev

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Sorry, but I'm pretty annoyed about Government Defence spending in the UK,..

Stuff like that should be on the front page of your newspapers - but have you ever seen the press offices at Parliament? The lunches, the dinner parties etc etc....

 

They don't want to lose their good ticket they're on, that itself is a scandal, they shouldn't be there at all and a proper divide is needed between the Press and Politicians at all times.

 

 

[Old Koreelah]

Stuff like that should be on the front page of your newspapers - but have you ever seen the press offices at Parliament? The lunches, the dinner parties etc etc....They don't want to lose their good ticket they're on, that itself is a scandal, they shouldn't be there at all and a proper divide is needed between the Press and Politicians at all times.

...and now that the mad monk has intimidated the ABC, Rupert can set the agenda unhindered...except for the brave professionals at Fairfax- and they have Gina looking at them with a Wolf's grin.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Nah,. . . . for a good Oxymoron, surely we need a L E V E L playing field ?

PSSST. . . . . Phil,. . . . . Nev said an O X Y M O R O N . . . . Not a bloody P A L L I N D R O M E you twit, that's just a word which reads the same backwards and forwards. . . . GEEEEZ ! it's a bit similar to an AERODROME . . . except you can land either way ( usually ) or a HIPPODROME ( a place where hippos take off and land . . .)

 

( oops Sorry Nev . . . I used to was a lot gooder at Inglish when I were younger. . . Phil )

 

 

[turboplanner]

Sounds like you need one of these Phil - Navistar MRAP - 9.3 litre engine up to 280 kW, Allison auto trans, 17.65 tonnes, beefed up to drive over land mines, then IED's sitting on top of stone walls at window height, drive on aluminium rim inserts, then a completely suspended crew compartment to minimise injuries from the shock of a bomb blast, and that tended to leave only the driver injured by the steering wheel as the module lurched, and last I heard they were working on that.

 

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Sounds like you need one of these Phil - Navistar MRAP - 9.3 litre engine up to 280 kW, Allison auto trans, 17.65 tonnes, beefed up to drive over land mines, then IED's sitting on top of stone walls at window height, drive on aluminium rim inserts, then a completely suspended crew compartment to minimise injuries from the shock of a bomb blast, and that tended to leave only the driver injured by the steering wheel as the module lurched, and last I heard they were working on that.

Thanks for that Sir. . . . I don't really need one personally, though it would make parking at the local supermarket a lot less stressful. . . . I think the Army blokes would have liked these in Iraq and Afghanistan though, but the MOD wouldn't have wanted to pay for them. . . . I hear that an RAF whistleblower has said that out of six Tornado aircraft sent to Cyprus for bombing duties over Iraq, four of them are being cannibalised for parts to keep the other two flying ! Not only this, the MOD refuse to pay for Hot food for the guys who have to work all night carrying out maintenance, and these poor blokes are given cold sandwiches by the caterring "Contractor" . . . . can't imagine the yanks putting up with that malarkey. . . . The MOD have responded with the terse comment " The information leaking out of Cyprus to the press is . . . Inaccurate" a typical slimy and cynical response from civil servants at the MOD. This means that it's true, but they're not going to do anything about it. Phil

 

*****STOP PRESS ********

 

Edited to add, News just in. . . . . . MOD spends 2 million quid. On what you ask ? new vehicle, ? better radios ?? Better boots ? NAAAAAAAAAH. Battlefield Earplugs which don't work.

 

I can only assume these things are electronic devices rather similar to those horrible Active Aviation headsets, which alter the polarity of any external noise, and squirt it into the audio circuit 180 degrees out of phase cancelling itself out to produce an almost silent environment. Shame they don't work guys . . . . . Still,. . . could have been worse. . .it WAS only a couple of Mill. . . . and don't get me started on the TWO aircraft carriers currently under build, for which we have . . . . . . . NO SUITABLE AIRCRAFT TO PUT ON THEM. . . . after selling all the Harriers to the US Marine Corps fo a couple of quid each. . . . . . .

 

 

[Marty_d]

It is actually called a Bushmaster, and a very effective piece of equipment it is as well. Saved my sons life and several of his mates. It like in all Armoured vehicles however is advisable to keep your large pack between your feet and the floor to protect your ankles and shins when the bang happens. Luckily my son had his feet on a soft pack. He must have listened to me the day I told him that. They where just being introduced when I pull the pin.Cheers Geoff13

Sure is - I know a couple of people who build these at the Thales factory at Bendigo. They've received nothing but praise and thanks from soldiers who've used these operationally and returned alive because of them. In fact I was told of one which drove over an IED so big that it blew the Bushmaster into the air and it landed at 90 degrees to original position (and this is a 15 ton vehicle). No one was killed.

 

Actually Phil your pals in UK defence procurement bought 24 of them... so it turns out they can spend wisely sometimes...

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Sure is - I know a couple of people who build these at the Thales factory at Bendigo. They've received nothing but praise and thanks from soldiers who've used these operationally and returned alive because of them. In fact I was told of one which drove over an IED so big that it blew the Bushmaster into the air and it landed at 90 degrees to original position (and this is a 15 ton vehicle). No one was killed. Actually Phil your pals in UK defence procurement bought 24 of them... so it turns out they can spend wisely sometimes...

OK Marty,. . . . none of my Pongoe mates have mentioned that particular vehicle,. . . . I wonder if most of them ended up in an MOD storage depot somewhere in Scotland or the Welsh Hills. . . . . . .

 

 

[Bikky]

Looks perfect for Brazilian streets! I want one. Looks impervious to potholes and carjackings.