THE DARWIN AWARDS - USA STYLE. . .

[Phil Perry]

* Australian Friends please note, I'm not going to correct the American Spellings ! ! !

 

Thanks to my mate Les Swazzo for this one. . .

 

The Darwins are out !!!!

 

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards USA Chapter, are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

 

Here is the glorious winner:

 

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

 

And now, the Honorable mentions:

 

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K store, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $11.50 [ If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, has a crime actually been committed? ]

 

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of unbreakable Polycarbonate plastic. The whole event was caught on videotape...

 

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

 

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

 

My personal favourite :-).......

 

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for... Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

 

*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce, and they vote!!!!!

 

 

[Marty_d]

*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce, and they vote!!!!!

...which is why our current government is in power....

 

 

[SDQDI]

That bus driver is a genius........

 

Loved the chef one too.

 

 

[Neil_S]

Gotta love it!

 

 

[Yenn]

Not really Darwin awards. To win that you have to do something stupid that kills you and therefore gets rid of the un intelligent.

 

Funny though.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Not really Darwin awards. To win that you have to do something stupid that kills you and therefore gets rid of the un intelligent.Funny though.

One from last year Yenn,. . . . . . . A couple of locals were driving through the swamp country in Louisiana when the headlamps failed on the old truck. The driver had a brainwave, and replaced the headlight fuse with a .22 rifle bullet, which was just the right size to fit the fuse tray under his dash. Regrettably, the bullet was not rated at sufficient enough current value for the electrical load created by the lights, became hot and went off with sufficient energy to send the lead projectile through an artery in his upper thigh.. . . . He bled to death before they could get medical assistance. ( sad that one . . )

 

 

[Zibi]

Not really Darwin awards. To win that you have to do something stupid that kills you and therefore gets rid of the un intelligent.Funny though.

Death is just one of the criteria (and not the necessary requirement) for a Darwin award, just removing yourself from the gene pool is enough. Like for example this guy, which has a highest proability of getting this year's award:

 

(May 2014, England) In the interest of public safety, Darwin Awards editors are releasing this ribald event to the public to serve as a warning to adventurous amorous males. The event was brought to our attention by an eyewitness, who provided additional details (withheld for privacy reasons) to confirm it.

 

"Being part of emergency services, firemen are called upon to get people out of unlikely situations. We were summoned to the A&E Department of a central London hospital to assist in removing a "thing ring." With our ring cutters at the ready, we were presented with the patient, his 'meat and two veg' extremely swollen and such a dark purple that they were almost blackened. The whole sorry mess was encircled by a thick titanium ring. Normally the procedure to remove a thing ring is a five-minute affair, but our cutters could not make a mark on the titanium! After expending a number of cutter blades we had to concede defeat.

 

 

 

"The man in question had put himself into this situation three days prior to committing himself to A&E, delaying the hospital visit due to embarrassment and a vain hope that it would resolve itself in time. Unfortunately this error in judgement cost him dearly. The wonderful doctors can often drain blood and remove the ring the way it went on--yet by the time he sought help, and our tools had been defeated, his jewels was past saving. Full castration--the result of the man's own actions and decisions--make this eunuch a self-selected nominee for a living Darwin Award.

 

 

More can be found here: http://www.darwinawards.com/

 

 

[bexrbetter]

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of unbreakable Polycarbonate plastic. The whole event was caught on videotape...

1/ You wouldn't believe how many people use a cigarette lighter to see how much fuel is in a motorcycle tank ....

 

7/ That is on Youtube under "Fails" somewhere, bloody hilarious!

 

 

[Bikky]

Many years ago a work colleague was operating a piece of machinery and I asked him if he had checked the oil level. He told me he had forgotten but that he would do it immediately. No problem. I turned my back and walked away to hear a loud scream. I turned around to see my colleague drenched in hot oil.

 

To save time, he thought he would check the oil without shutting down first. Amazing how quickly oil exits an engine given the opportunity.

 

Luckily, he wasn't severely burnt. We laughed about it after.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Amazing how quickly oil exits an engine given the opportunity. .

On a "Sort of" similar vein Bikky, . . . one of our club pilots bought a secondhand A22 Foxbat / 912S, and the first thing he did was to check the engine over thoroughly. During this excercise he replaced an Oil system connector hose section. ( I have not had much to do with the 912S from an engineering aspect, apart from essential preflight checks, so I don't know what bit of hose and where. )

 

Whilst in flight some hours later, the oil hose fractured and most of the engine oil exited the system fairly rapidly causing the engine to seize solid, He managed a reasonably satisfactory forced landing in a field of standing crop, but struck a metal irrigation pipe during the rollout, causing damage to the nose leg and prop, and a slightly bent firewall. It turned out that the type of hose he had used was not Rotax approved, and although similar in appearance, was not rated to the oil pressure requirement specified. This was a VERY expensive error. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with carrying out service work on your own aircraft, but I feel that SOME tasks, if you are not a qualified, or a very experienced engineer; ought to be at least Supervised by someone who is ( Or ask the experts on an aviation forum ! ! )

 

Phil

 

 

[eightyknots]

Death is just one of the criteria (and not the necessary requirement) for a Darwin award, just removing yourself from the gene pool is enough. Like for example this guy, which has a highest proability of getting this year's award:(May 2014, England) In the interest of public safety, Darwin Awards editors are releasing this ribald event to the public to serve as a warning to adventurous amorous males. The event was brought to our attention by an eyewitness, who provided additional details (withheld for privacy reasons) to confirm it.

 

"Being part of emergency services, firemen are called upon to get people out of unlikely situations. We were summoned to the A&E Department of a central London hospital to assist in removing a "thing ring." With our ring cutters at the ready, we were presented with the patient, his 'meat and two veg' extremely swollen and such a dark purple that they were almost blackened. The whole sorry mess was encircled by a thick titanium ring. Normally the procedure to remove a thing ring is a five-minute affair, but our cutters could not make a mark on the titanium! After expending a number of cutter blades we had to concede defeat.

 

"The man in question had put himself into this situation three days prior to committing himself to A&E, delaying the hospital visit due to embarrassment and a vain hope that it would resolve itself in time. Unfortunately this error in judgement cost him dearly. The wonderful doctors can often drain blood and remove the ring the way it went on--yet by the time he sought help, and our tools had been defeated, his jewels was past saving. Full castration--the result of the man's own actions and decisions--make this eunuch a self-selected nominee for a living Darwin Award.

 

 

 

More can be found here: http://www.darwinawards.com/

Ouch!