kgwilson Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Number One. "I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and, at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that she had given her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away". Number Two. Some Boeing employees on the airfield in Sydney decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Westpac Rescue Helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Number Three. A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland Branch, walked into the Bank and wrote, 'Put all ya muny in this beeg.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the Harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip, and that he would either have to fill out an NAB deposit slip or go back to the Bank of Queensland. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland. Happened in Brisbane. Number Four. A guy walked into a little corner store in Cairns with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later. Number Five. A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. Happened in Adelaide Number Six. A guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Happened in Perth, WA. Number seven. "My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger. She asked the person behind the counter for, 'minimal lettuce.' He said was sorry, but they only had iceberg." Happened in Surfer's Paradise. Number eight. "I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ''Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded. "That's why we ask." Happened in Melbourne. Number nine. "When my husband and I arrived at a car dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply, 'I know - I already done that side.'" Happened at the FORD dealership Dubbo, NSW. 1 1
dazza 38 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Number 4 must be a re hatched version from the states as it mentions the age 21 for drinking alcohol when it should be 18.
skeptic36 Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 The amazing thing is, not a single contributor to any Jabiru related thread on this site made the list..... 2
bexrbetter Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 When I was a much younger bloke, my 2nd job was RACV breakdown call outs, on more than one occasion doing a 'keys locked in car' I was asked to please unlock the other side as well after unlocking the driver's door. Useless info; You always do the driver's door as that key barrel is the most worn. A couple of times I opened cars so fast they refused to sign my call out book (from which I get paid on) not believing I had done a thing, a 70's/80's Toyota Corolla I can open in about 2 to 3 seconds for example. Many a car that wouldn't start, "dead as a doornail, battery is stuffed" were automatics with the transmission not in 'Park' position. Valiants with flat tyres with wheel nuts that won't budge (one side of them are left hand thread). A couple of call outs in the middle of the night to lonely ladies and .... oops sorry, family forum:cheezy grin: 2
Guest john Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 A Squires Roller that refused to start Whilst at a private fly in at a country property I had driven my R Model Valiant (the model with the washing machine lid on the boot) to the fly in & a squire from a nearby town drove his silver ghost Rolls Royce to the fly in. The squire had a safari suit on even though he sat in the chauffers open drivers position instead of the covered squires rear seat. When it was time for him to depart the fly in, the Roller refused to start & he flattened the battery which was located under the rear floor in the squires rear compartment. A Chevy Impala that had a set of jumper leads hooked them up to the Roller but the roller still refused to start. I always carried a tow rope in the boot of the Valiant in case I ever needed a tow, whereas on this occasion I humbly went up to the squire with a smirk on my face & asked him if he wanted my Valiant to tow start the roller. The squire responded with a plumb in his throat whilst looking at his boots: "OK" I then hooked up the tow rope to the back of the Valiant & to the front of the Roller & flat towed the Roller along the grassed air strip until the engine eventually fired. I then unhooked the tow rope & the squire then drove off in the Roller in an embarrased state without acknowledging that a humble Australian Valiant had to tow start his heep of 'BRITISH SHXT'
Guest john Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Urgent Help Required Many moons ago when I use to perform after hours roadside breakdown assistance I received a phone call for urgent help in the wee hours of the morning by a driver who could not get his Panel Van started. I asked him his location & he told me that his vehicle was located on the boat ramp near the towns river. I put my boiler suit over my pyjamas & then proceeded to the nearby towns boat ramp & there I saw a Holden Panel Van with the water lapping the base of the doors, as by this time that the vehicle had been parked there unbeknowing to the driver the tide had risen in the river. I asked the driver how he had allowed his vehicle to be placed in such a vicarious position & at least he was honest in his response which was as follows: "After parking the vehicle on the boat ramp which was dry, my girl friend & I hopped into the back of the Panel Van & we had a long session of LOVE MAKING whilst listening to Elvis tapes & when we had finished our horizontal exercises we were both warn out & momentarily dozed off in each other arms, & when we awoke by the sound of water lapping our vehicle, I tried to start the vehicle & it would not start & that is why I called for emergency assistance" After flat towing the Panel Van up the boat ramp, I then filled out the necessary paper work under torch light during which I observed a sign on the back window of the Panel Van which read " "If its rockin don't both knockin"
Marty_d Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 .... oops sorry, family forum:cheezy grin: It's after 11pm in Australia. Fess up.
bexrbetter Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 It's after 11pm in Australia. Fess up. It's only lunch time in the UK! Ladies who have had a genuine call out through the day for a flat battery or lock out etc, have a few drinks later that night or one or two days after, who realise one phone call can get a bloke to their door on a, cough, cough, genuine and totally innocent premise. Happy to oblige - as long as they signed my book and I got my $6 on top as well! 1
Marty_d Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Deuce Bigalow of the RACV!! Next time I see a happy RACT driver I'll know why. 1
horsefeathers Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Number 4 must be a re hatched version from the states as it mentions the age 21 for drinking alcohol when it should be 18. Meh. As Abraham Lincoln used to say, you can't trust anything you read on the internet these days. 1
Marty_d Posted January 4, 2015 Posted January 4, 2015 Meh.As Abraham Lincoln used to say, you can't trust anything you read on the internet these days. I think you'll find it was Leonardo Da Vinci who said that.
facthunter Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Customer satisfaction guaranteed bex? . If she tells all her friends and one is your wife, it's a problem. Nev
PA. Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Customer satisfaction guaranteed bex? . If she tells all her friends and one is your wife, it's a problem. Nev If she tells his wife she was satisfied, she'd know she was lying. :) 2
horsefeathers Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 It's only lunch time in the UK!Ladies who have had a genuine call out through the day for a flat battery or lock out etc, have a few drinks later that night or one or two days after, who realise one phone call can get a bloke to their door on a, cough, cough, genuine and totally innocent premise. Happy to oblige - as long as they signed my book and I got my $6 on top as well! Geeze Between dazza38 and Bex, none of our womenfolk are safe, it would seem... 3
bexrbetter Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Deuce Bigalow of the RACV!! Next time I see a happy RACT driver I'll know why. That was in a smaller town (Mornington) and there was only 2 drivers so you become known. Probably not the same for the suburban guys who are always in and out. Wait, what? GeezeBetween dazza38 and Bex, none of our womenfolk are safe, it would seem... That's around 25 years back now, quite settled in now. 1
Birdseye Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 When one of the girls in the office mentioned that her Hyundai was being serviced, I asked if they were going to change the headlight fluid. I stopped her only after she had dialled half of the service station's number. 1
Zibi Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Number One. Number Six. A guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Happened in Perth, WA. Don't think it's Perth, but here's the video: 1 1
Birdseye Posted January 5, 2015 Posted January 5, 2015 Like I said earlier, none are from Oz. There is very little originality on the Internet when it comes to trivia.
bexrbetter Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Like I said earlier, none are from Oz. . If Logan City had an airport then 9 out of 9 could have happened there ... 1
facthunter Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Are you trying to increase the land values there? Nev
gareth lacey Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 Not funny!! some Logonians are normal people ( ie fly planes) and my house has increased in value in the last 4 years! so guys leave us alone there are worse places to pick on , ,lets see , Salsbury SA, Inala QLD, St Marys NSW, and melbourne, well that place i dont know ,Gosnells WA the list goes on BTW
facthunter Posted January 6, 2015 Posted January 6, 2015 You have just proven you are ALL as bad as Bex.. Nev 1
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