Phil Perry Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 I was taking a driving holiday around Southern Ireland a while ago, and on a quiet country lane just outside Dublin,. . .I noticed a young lad sitting on his bike at the side of the road crying terribly. I pulled over and said to him, " Hello mate,. . .are you OK, what's the problem ? ? ?" The lad replied . . ." Me Mam's just died. . . ." and he continued sobbing uncontrollably . . . .. I said,. . . "Oh dear. . . that's terrible,. . .would you like me to go and find the local priest . . .? " He said . . . > > > > > > > > > > "Oh No, thank you mister dat's very nice of you,. . . . . . . " > > > > > > > "But Sex is the last ting on me mind at da moment. . . . ." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man was walking his dog along the beach when he stubbed his foot on a large green bottle, partially buried in the sand. He pulled out the cork and a genie suddenly emerged in a puff of purple smoke and said to the man. . . " Glory be to Allah and a thousand years of good fortune be upon you and your bloodline for releasing me from this evil prison which has constrained for five hundred years. . . . . ." The genie continued. . . . ."For this I will grant you any wish, . . . .anything at all. . . . ." After recovering his composure, the man scratched his chin for a minute and said . . . . "Well,. . . . .I'm a bit partial to me old dog Shep here,. . . . . . . as you can see he's getting on a bit,. . .twelve years old now . . . .he's got no teeth,. . . .only one eye,. . . . mange all over his coat,. . . . only one leg at the back end,. . .and he's incontinent,. . . . . . . If you could put him right, I'd really be obliged. . . . . . ." The genie had a good look around the dog,. . .looked underneath him, . . .behind him,. . . . .checked his fur,. . . .looked at his teeth,. . . . . . and finally, . . . . he said. . . . "Listen mate,. . . . .that's going to be nigh on bloody impossible,. . . . . . . . . I don't suppose you have a another wish I could look at . . . . . .? ? ? ? ? ? " The man scratched his chin for another minute and then said,. . . . . ."Well,. . . . . . I don't suppose you could fix things so my mate Phil Perry told the truth for once,. . . . . . .? ? ? " The genie answered almost immediately,. . . . . . . > > > > > > > > > "Tell you what,. . . . . . . . > > > > > > > Let's have a better look at that dog. . . ." > 1 2
facthunter Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 There's another version of it involving a road bridge from the US to Hawaii and understanding women. (Don't shoot me girls, . I'm only the messenger). Nev
Marty_d Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 ...Don't shoot me girls, . I'm only the messenger... I see you understand them well enough to beg for mercy...
nomadpete Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Can always count on Phil for some Good old Philosophy Very old! 1
facthunter Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Marty No one with half a brain pretends to understand them, but experience does allow anticipation of an issue, potentially, so better to get in early and avoid the problem. Nev 1
Phil Perry Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 what, Phil? or his jokes? Both Sir,. . . . . . . .BOTH
Marty_d Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 And if he's had too many baked beans, he becomes Philharmonic.... 1 1
Phil Perry Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Sometimes I do my best to CLEAN these jokes up a bit,. . . . . Could that be described as PHILAUNDERING ? ? 1
bexrbetter Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 And if he's had too many baked beans, he becomes Philharmonic.... Getting on the band-wagon there ..... 1
ayavner Posted January 26, 2015 Posted January 26, 2015 Sometimes I do my best to CLEAN these jokes up a bit,. . . . .Could that be described as PHILAUNDERING ? ? we wouldn't want them to be PHILthy...
bexrbetter Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 we wouldn't want them to be PHILthy... He's just Phil'ing in time ....
Jabiru Phil Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Saw a sign at a building site once. "Clean Phil wanted" 3
Marty_d Posted January 27, 2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Sometimes I do my best to CLEAN these jokes up a bit,. . . . .Could that be described as PHILAUNDERING ? ? ....or Philtering...
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