Notes to the Milkman. . . .

[Phil Perry]

For those of us who remember Milk Deliveries in Bottles, here is a good example of

 

a collection of notes left in milk bottles...

 

 

 

Dear milkman:

 

 

 

I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

 

 

 

Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

 

 

 

Cancel one pint after the day after today.

 

 

 

Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

 

 

 

Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

 

 

 

Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.

 

 

 

Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.

 

 

 

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

 

 

 

Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

 

 

 

When you leave my milk please knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

 

 

 

Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea?

 

 

 

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?

 

 

 

Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

 

 

 

Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

 

 

 

Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.

 

 

 

From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.

 

 

 

My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.

 

 

 

Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

 

 

 

milkman please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk.

 

 

 

No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.

 

 

[Old Koreelah]

Gawd people take the poor bloody milko for granted!

 

 

[facthunter]

Dunno how they keep up with the demand. Nev

 

 

[Marty_d]

The first one is funny on a couple of levels.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Milk it for all it's worth Phil!

 

 

[Marty_d]

Reminds me of a true story - city boy mate of my brother's was staying on a farm for the first time. Farmer took him around in the ute to show him the farm. There's a herd of cattle and the conversation goes like this:

 

City boy: "What sort of cows are those?"

 

Farmer: "They're not cows, they're steers."

 

Pause.

 

City boy: "Er... are they milking steers?"

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Farmer as explaining everything to the young new Hand.

 

In the cow shed he explained that a guy came around once a month to inseminate the selected cows and showed him the stall used for the purpose.

 

The Farmer says; "Now you see that nail above the stall gate, you know what that's for?" (for the cow's tail).

 

The new Hand replies; "To hang his pants from?"....

 

 

[Yenn]

I was in my twenties before I saw milk come in bottles. Before that I was pulling it out into a bucket. I never drink the stuff, seen what happens to it.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

I never drink the stuff, seen what happens to it.

That's why they call it "past your eyes" in the shops.

 

 

[fly_tornado]

Phil, I can't believe people are still faxing you jokes

 

 

[Phil Perry]

Nope. . . . . . rolled up inside a milk bottle. . . . .

 

 

[planedriver]

My grandmother was paying the milkman one day and his horse-drawn cart was stopped in the middle of the road.

 

The horse did a pile of droppings where it stood.

 

Grandma said to the milko "that's good, i'll pick that up and put in on my rhubarb", to which he replied, "don't fancy that much lady, my wife puts custard on mine"

 

True story.