The Pilots Alternative Dictionary

[Guest john]

1. Adolescence: An intermediate stage between puberty & adultery.

 

2. Adultery: The wrong people doing the right thing.

 

3. Angel: A female spirit who probably spends most of her time wishing she could swap her harp for an upright organ.

 

4. Aviatrix: A pilot who cannot fly upside down without having a crack up.

 

5. Baby Pacifier: A bust in the mouth.

 

6.Brassier: An ingenious device that makes molehills out of mountains, & mountains out of molehills.

 

7.Castrated Dinosaur: A colossal fossil with a docile tassil.

 

8. Chivalry: A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.

 

9. Complication: A confused situation that makes it hard to get at the works. For example, a knock kneed virgin.

 

10. Cow: A creature with 4 hanger downers, 4 standeruppers, & a switcher & 2 hookers.

 

11.Dancing: A naval engagement without the loss of semen.

 

12. Divorce: what happens when 2 people can't stomach each other any more.

 

13.Fathers Day: 9 months before Labor Day.

 

14.Glamour Girl: A much publicised girl, who is occasionally full of oomph, but more frequently full of other things.

 

15.Horse Show: A lot of horses showing their asses a lot of horses asses showing their horses.

 

16.Kept Woman: One who wears mink all day & fox all night.

 

17.Kiss: Uptown shopping for downtown business, or shopping on the 3rd floor for merchandise you want in the bargain basement.

 

18.Minute Man: A person who doubles parks in front of a house of ill repute.

 

19.Mistress: Something between a master & a mattress.

 

20.Mothers Day: 9 months after Fathers day.

 

21.Old Maid: A girl of advanced years who has gone through life with no hits, no runs,& no errors.

 

22.Outdoor Girl: One with the bloom of youth in her cheeks, & the cheeks of youth in her bloomers.

 

23. Pyjamas: Item of clothing that newly weds place beside the bed in case of fire.

 

24. Passion: A feeling you can feel when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you never felt before.

 

25.Pregnancy: A woman all swelled up over her mates hard work.

 

26.Psychiatrist: One who tries to find out whether an infant has more fun in infancy, than adult in adultery.

 

27.Sob Sister: A girl who sits on your lap & bawls, & makes it hard for you.

 

28.Spring Fever:When the iron in your blood turns to lead in you pants.

 

29.Triplets: Taking seriously what was poked at you in fun.

 

30.Weakling: A girl who means NO, but can't say it.