Marriage quips ...

[bexrbetter]

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. (A life sentence!)

 

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over the strings are attached.

 

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

 

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

 

Marriage is a thing, which puts a ring on a woman's finger...and two under the man's eyes.

 

We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

 

Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit.

 

Marriage is not just having a wife but also worries inherited forever.

 

Marriage requires a man to prepare 5 types of "RINGS":

 

a) The Engagement Ring

 

b) The Wedding Ring

 

c) The SuffeRing

 

d) The EnduRing

 

e) The TortuRing

 

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then, it was too late.

 

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing - and then they marry him.

 

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

 

Courtship - A man pursuing a woman until she catches him

 

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

 

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her.

 

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

 

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

 

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

 

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

 

A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.

 

Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.

 

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

 

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

 

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

 

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.

 

Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

 

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

 

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

 

Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.

 

Don't marry a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.

 

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

 

All marriages are happy - it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems.

 

Sign in a marriage counselor's window: "OUT TO LUNCH - THINK IT OVER."

 

DICTIONARY: The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

 

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the wife listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the husband listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

 

I think, therefore I am single.

 

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

 

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die…

 

 

[PA.]

[red750]

Wife : Shall I prepare Curry or Soup today?

 

Husband : First make it, we will name it later

 

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :

 

dear google, please do not behave like my wife...

 

Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

 

A married man's prayer :

 

Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away

 

You gave me youth, You took it away.

 

You gave me a wife ... Its been years now, just reminding You

 

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in."My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"

 

Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"

 

 

[Russ]

couple on their first night honeymoon, husband removes his pants, holds them up.......says to new bride, just telling you darling, i wear the pants here.

 

she rips off her nickers and holds them up........darling, if you want to get into these, you are going to have to change your attitude...

 

just sayin......

 

 

[PA.]

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene. After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor, they call their sergeant on his cell phone.

 

"Hello Sarge."

 

"Yes."

 

"It looks like we have a homicide here."

 

"What happened?"

 

"A woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor she had just mopped."

 

"Have you placed her under arrest?"

 

"Not yet sir. The floor is still wet."