Another Joke Thread

[red750]

There was this American runner who donned on his tracksuit and ran around the block almost every morning. The last few mornings, he notified a good looking woman also jogging and so, for company, he decided to jog with her. He suddeny noticed a good quality tennis ball on the footpath and picked up the ball and put it in his pocket. They started running again and soon, he spotted another tennis ball which he put in the other pocket. Soon, they came to a set of pedestrain lights. While waiting for the lights to change, he kept jogging on the spot. Tennis balls started jumping round in the pockets. The girl noticed the jumpy balls and started staring. The guy tried explaining "tennis balls". The girl replied "now that MUST be painful because I once had 'tennis elbow' and that was painful enough ".

 

A police officer radios Dispatch for assistance.

 

Officer: Dispatch I have a probable homicide here.

 

It appears a woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.

 

Dispatch: Have you taken the woman into custody?

 

Officer: Not yet, the floor's still wet.

 

1. I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

 

2. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

 

3. You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably ticked off.

 

4. Gone are the days when girls cooked like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

 

5. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone you've just met? That's common sense leaving your body.

 

6. I don't like making plans for the day because, then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

 

7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes 1,500 days in a row.

 

8. Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what's your plan?

 

9. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Politicians just abuse the privilege.