VW - AND THE EMISSIONS FARCE. . .

[Phil Perry]

 

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[pmccarthy]

My personal emissions are regulated in the same way as the VW: very low when being monitored, but let it rip when I am on the open road.

 

 

[Phil Perry]

My personal emissions are regulated in the same way as the VW: very low when being monitored, but let it rip when I am on the open road.

PM - hilarious Sir. . . . .

 

Ever thought of a new career as a stand-up ?. . . . . .

 

Actually,. . .whilst at the aero club the other night, ( I know,. . .older people don't have as much control over bodily functions as you young bucks. . .) I let out a totally unintentional gaseous bodily exhaust event of rather gigantuan proportions, and a mate of mine immediately said. . . . . .

 

"Bloody 'eck mate,. . . .a bit more choke,. . . .and that would have started. . . . . ."

 

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[facthunter]

Phil thy Phil for Farter of the Year!. Polluting Pater. (Organic GROAN.).Nev

 

 

[skeptic36]

I first met him in the classroom

 

back in 1963

 

we seemed to hit it off pretty good

 

we were mates mick and me

 

he wasn't such a big kid

 

even back then at the start

 

and he wasn't all that clever either

 

but Jesus he could fart

 

I first found that out in class one day

 

when things were going pretty slow

 

and just to keep us all amused

 

Mick let this fucking ripper go

 

well, you should have been there

 

look, i'd describe it if i could

 

but i just turned around and i said,

 

"Hey Mick your fucking good!"

 

And at the eng of school Grand Final

 

on the rugby field that time

 

we were getting beaten

 

they were 12 and we were 9

 

and play was 3 yards from our goal-line

 

when the referee called a scrum

 

and mick said, "Don't worry fellas,

 

we've as good as got it won."

 

So we just locked ourselves down in the scrum,

 

and we held eachothers nose

 

and mick our little hooker

 

he let this fucking ripper go!

 

well, it stung their nose

 

and it burnt their eyes

 

and it even scorched the grass

 

and i twigged right then and there,

 

he had a double jointed arse!

 

chorous

 

Mick, me mate the master farter

 

put the art back into farting

 

with his custom tailored farts

 

Mick, me mate the master farter

 

broke new ground in breaking wind

 

with his double jointed arse

 

verse 2

 

And it was just a couple of years later

 

we both went to seee Kamaahl

 

it was a really poshy sort of show

 

in this great big bloody hall

 

all the blokes were dressed like penguins,

 

well you should have seen the sorts

 

and Kamaahl himself wore a sheilas dress,

 

like a bloody black boy george

 

we were all locked in there like sardines,

 

for the show to get underway

 

but the tuber player didn't log

 

he'd booked off crook that day

 

and Kamaahl said, "Without a tuber player i cannot commence the show."

 

so old mick jumps up says,

 

"Sambo mate, I'll have a fucking go!"

 

Well, from then on in I honestly thought,

 

that the whole show would be ruined

 

but he just winked at me and picked that tuber up

 

just like he knew what he was doing

 

then the maestro tapped his little stick,

 

to tell the band to start

 

and mick just shut his eyes and cocked

 

his leg,

 

and then began to fart!

 

well you could have heard a pin drop

 

that night there in the hall

 

and it's hard to say who sounded best

 

Mick farting or Kamaahl

 

then the audience just went apeshit

 

they cheered and clapped and stood

 

and Kamaahl smiled as if to say,

 

"Hey Mick, your fucking good

 

chorous

 

Mick me mate the master farter

 

put the art back into farting

 

with his custom tailored farts

 

Mick me mate the master farter

 

with his True-pitch perfect, calibrated

 

double jointed arse

 

verse 3

 

Well, good news travels fast it seems

 

and it wasn't very long

 

before Mick got this midnight phonecall

 

from Ben Lexan and Alan Bond

 

they said, "Mick we've got this specialist job,

 

and we're prepared to pay ya',

 

Mick old son would you consider farting for Australia?"

 

We'll just prop you on our brand new yatch,

 

when theres no sea-breeze blowing

 

and get Mick the master farter to start

 

her and keep the bastard going

 

so Mick went into training

 

on sausage rolls and pies

 

and Vegemite and Fosters beer

 

and a schollarship from Heinz

 

The world had never seen before

 

a yatch so finely groomed

 

or a crew so fit and young and strong

 

or an arse so finely tuned

 

the Yanks weren't even in the race

 

not even in the same class

 

what with Ben Lexan and his secret keel

 

and Micks fuel injeted arse

 

Well he come back a bloody hero didn't he,

 

the old Australian boy

 

and government comissioned this bloke

 

to do a big statue of his Koy

 

and I can still see Mick standing there

 

when they confirmed his Knighthood

 

and Bob Hawke pinning it on saying,

 

"Hey mick..... your fucking good!"

 

chorous

 

Mick me mate the master farter

 

put the class back into farting

 

with his designer-lable farts

 

Mick me mate the master farted

 

with his True-pitch perfect calibrated,

 

turbo thrusted, fuel injected, W.I.N.G.S.proteced, double jointed arse.

 

 

[dazza 38]

Err what ever happened to the no swearing policy ?

 

 

[skeptic36]

Err what ever happened to the no swearing policy ?

Yeah sorry about that, I just pasted that in thinking the site software would fix it:bash:

Now It's too late to edit it:sorry:

 

 

[skeptic36]

Just looked at it again, and the site software took out everything except the f word

 

 

[dazza 38]

Just looked at it again, and the site software took out everything except the f word

It would be the 'ing' on the end of the f word that prevented it being picked up I thnk.

 

 

[facthunter]

Be alert Australia needs lerts. I'm so pure in heart I didn't notice any of the bad stuff. Nev

 

 

[kgwilson]

[Phil Perry]

Just looked at it again, and the site software took out everything except the f word

Disgraceful ! ! ! ! Now report to your nearest PC training centre for re-mindbleaching.

 

 

[planedriver]

[ATTACH=full]38130[/ATTACH]

My son has a fully-worked Nissan 180 SX Drift Car and doesn't know what the red line means.

 

It looks like "Puffin Billy" now too, so i'll show him just once how to re-build it, then I'll show him what being retired really means.

 

 

[eightyknots]

I wonder if Rotax has an arrangement like VW in their engines, in their case for the power test? 100 hp when it is being measured and 85-88 hp when not.

 

 

[facthunter]

I would doubt that. It's not able to be programmed. You don't fool with aero engines like that (deliberately reducing output). What would be the point? Aircraft engines are not regulated for emissions as much as vehicles are, and HP is critical to performance and safety. Nev